Good morning riders and readers! Wow… yesterday was chilly, Billy, and windy, Wendy. I am told that we’ll get more of it today, Jay. Temps were slightly warmer (by about one degree, Lee) during the obscene hours, and the wind seems to have diminished some, chum, but gusts still gust… Gus. There’s no snow, Joe, and there’s no ice, Bryce. No fog AND no smog, Dog… and traffic is light, Dwight. I’m just glad we don’t have a road hazard called, “Massol.”
My resolutions are going GREAT! So far, I have not smoked (very much), my drinking for the year averages less than three four five drinks per morning (defined as before 9AM), I haven’t committed any (major) felonies, and while the exercise program has not been FULLY implemented yet, I’ve only overeaten a very few times this year. Gambling, fighting, cursing, cheating on my taxes, lying and writing nonsense have also been minimized, so we’re really off to a good start. I’m not sure exactly how long I can maintain this whole “straight and narrow” thing; I might just reward myself today with a little respite… ‘cause, COME ON! It’s been so long!
Speaking of which… today is, “National Buffet Day.” Wow. Talk about a bad influence. All of those folks who have just resolved to reduce their caloric intake… and today is about buffets? I cannot imagine going to a buffet, and saying, “Well, I’m going to make sure that I don’t get my money’s worth!”
I read a headline today: “Texas Woman Breaks Record with Birth of 15 Pound Baby.” I’m going to bet that the record ain’t the only thang she done broke. I’m guessing there’s a new place to park the truck at Skeeter and Chardonnaynay’s trailer.
California has a new law requiring that the board of any publicly held company have at least one female on it (because, the way to avoid sexism is to force job positioning by gender). However, in California, one’s gender is accepted as whatever a person identifies as. And, this makes it pretty easy for an all-male board that wishes to stay that way… they just need one of the guys to identify as female, and BAM! They’ve got their MANdated diversity!
I heard about a songwriting company that lacked excitement. They had to follow the new law, so they filled the position with a baker who produced loaves that were not legal: she was the bored bard board beard broad who bared barred bread.
I heard the other day, somebody on the radio who was pitching the Chevy Colorado pickup truck… she stated that it had over 50 cubic square feet of cargo space in the bed. Now, I had always thought that a pickup bed had an infinite amount of cargo space, but even though this one apparently has limits, I am still confused about how much 50 cubic square feet is. Is it, maybe 50 feet in diameter… circumference… duration? Or, maybe this measurement was converted from the Imperial square gallon measurement, or the Metric cubic minutes? Everybody knows that a cubic minute is equivalent to a linear pound, or, one cubic fraction of a square ounce. Say… are you aware that a pound of lead happens to weigh EXACTLY the same as a pound of McDonalds cheeseburgers (this is a true fact, incidentally). On the other hand, cubic days, linear kilograms, and square gallons aren’t so much a real thing. But if you can tell me a way to calculate the conversion of, say, 60 Miles Per Kilometer to Imperial cubic pounds, please let me know.
WalMart is going to be closing 269 of their stores this year. This is expected to put 14 cashiers out of work.
CNN recently aired a show in which a number of self-proclaimed “actual witches” were interviewed to find out exactly how hurt and offended they surely must be, because Donald Trump has used the term “witch hunt” on a number of occasions. I am not making this up… you CAN’T make this stuff up. A number of people at CNN actually thought to themselves, “This seems like a really good idea. Let’s put time, money, and effort into this show.”
Well, part II of this very important expose on the terribly harmful effects of Donald Trump using the term, “witch hunt” will be airing soon. The second installment will interview hunters, to get down into their raw feelings about the term… how it must make their hearts ache, to have their very description so callously used as part of another phrase that is used so terribly casually. Oh, how my own heart aches for these people… their suffering and pain must be nearly intolerable.
Skip the buffet on “National Buffet Day,” Ray. Avoid the calorie, Mallory… In fact, even if you never give birth to a 15-pound baby, the buffet’s goal is to make it look like you are gonna, Mona. Maintain your resolution, Lucian, and don’t fail, Gail. You can do it, Pruitt… I know you can, Fran!