Friday has finally found its way to fabulous fruition… all we need to do is make it through today.
The roads won’t pose a problem… except for the poor schlub whose job it is to write stuff about the so-called “road conditions.” Oh, sure, I’ll write about ‘em, but please… set your alarm for about the time that you get to the end of the paragraph… you’re likely to be sound asleep by then. Hey, sorry… I’m just the messenger.
There’s no rain. There’s no snow. There are no rocks and there’s no wind. There’s no ice and there’s no fog. I guess there’s no everything, really. I can’t find anything that there IS… but since I am a tenacious dog, I’m still going to put words ‘n’ stuff in this column. Even if road conditions are not the subject of this road report, well, words ‘n’ stuff.
I saw on the “news” today, some “spy shots” or “leaked pictures” of some new smartphone that hasn’t been released yet, but WILL be at some super-exciting “reveal” event soon. Apparently, people are marveling at the appearance of this AMAZING new device: it’s about 3” x 6” x ½” in size, has a glass front, some buttons on the side, and a back, available in different colors… sort of like… like… like EVERY OTHER SMARTPHONE THERE EVER WAS. I can’t find it in me to share the marveling. I could just stare at my own phone and marvel, if I felt like marveling at something.
I’m annoyed… my “smart” phone (which is, incidentally, about 3” x 6” x ½” in size, has a glass front, some buttons on the side, and a back, available in different colors) has been hounding me to perform a software update… for weeks, every time I look at the phone, it’s asking me if I’m ready now. I finally relented because there is no choice… eventually, one MUST perform these updates.
I understand from people who know all about this tech stuff, that the vast majority of “updates” and “required upgrades” are simply security measures, not for consumer protection, but for the protection of the carriers, the providers, even the manufacturers. Fine. Another thing that I’ve learned, that’s simply a law of tech science, is that all “upgrades” are always “downgrades.” This is no exception.
So, I “updated/upgraded.” It only took about an hour, which was nice considering that it often takes SEVERAL of those. But the phone I got back was NOT the phone I submitted.
My icons are all different… the ones that used to look like an object reminiscent of what each app was, have been replaced with these little cartoonish colored tiles, that pretty much leave it to anyone’s guess as to what each represents. I can’t even tap in the same place that I used to tap and hope it’s the right app, because they all got moved around, too. If/when I am able to poke around enough to find the app that I want (or, more likely, open one that, well, okay, I’ll just use that one for now), they all work differently now! Even the damn camera, which I had only recently learned how to use well, is all different. Different in every way. Why… WHY?!?
And, this supposed upgrade made some of my apps vanish… POOF! So, while I’m looking at all of my little cartoon tiles, and trying to guess which one might represent the app that I want… I’ve come to realize that this might be a futile effort, since it’s entirely likely that the app is gone, and I’m searching for something that simply isn’t there.
Things that used to slide left, now slide up… things that used to display in the middle, now don’t exist. Taps that used to do stuff, now don’t do stuff. The words and backgrounds are all different now, too. Even the tones are different… now, when my phone rings, I think it’s some other chump’s phone.
Okay, so there’s this deluge of national days. Fine, everybody wants their own cause to be recognized on 0.274% of days. But, today, we got a direct contradiction! It’s National Different Colored Shoes day (laaa-HAME!), and, this same day is also National Paranormal day. I have chosen to totally disregard the first, and only observe the second: I wore a pair o’ normal shoes to work.
Okay, so apparently, we need to avoid cruise ships… avoid going to movies… avoid crowds… avoid the airport and airline travel… because some people think that if you don’t vaccinate, it’ll totally stick it to the Man, AND it’ll help you avoid coming down with a bad case of autism. This is because these people believe in Jenny McCarthy, INSTEAD of science (yes… these are polar freakin’ opposites). Seems like a good time to run for the hills, hide out in a cave and wait until measles is eradicated AGAIN. Oh well, I guess it was only ALMOST eradicated… now it’s back. Now you actually have people with both autism AND measles. Thanks, Jenny!
I saw a headline for a story on the ‘net. I haven’t read the story YET, but I sure am curious. The actual title: “What You Need to Know Before Having Sex with an IUD.” Then, I considered adding this to the Daily Report, along with subsequent commentary. However, upon attempting subsequent commentary, I have learned that it only goes downhill from there, and there’s really no need. I’m just going to let that title stand on its own.
(While I have mostly chosen not to attempt subsequent commentary about the odd devices people choose to love, I would still like for readers to PLEASE note the critical differences between this, and the literature found in ISIS and Taliban camps, with titles like, “What You Need to Know Before Having Sex with an IED.”)
So, I guess I’ll spend the weekend trying to outsmart the “update” on my phone, and I’ll see if I can figure out some of the basics, like how to make a phone call. I’ll just tap on the light blue square (with the rounded edges, so as not to be too harsh)… or the light pinkish one, or the medium pinkish one, or the medium pinkish one with the two dots in the middle, or the medium pinkish one with the bar in the middle, or whatever… and see if that makes a call, initiates a text, starts a game, self-destructs, takes a picture, or sets a fire. I’ll admit, I am a LITTLE worried about pressing the one red button: this mysterious icon has what looks to me like an adorable lil’ ICBM on it.