Roads are clear today… so far. However, if past performance is any indicator of future results, it’s possible, nay, likely, that by 630AM or so, there will be traffic stoppages on Highway 18 between Crestline and San Bernardino. The stoppages probably won’t last TOO long, but, when you’ve only got a five- minute time cushion to avoid being late for work, a ten- minute delay can wreck your day.
Don’t forget about the dirt trucks going up and down our mountain, too. It’s a dirty drive, but they’ve gotta do it. Besides, in spite of their slow and lumbering nature, at least they are hauling away our fish poop. That certainly helps me to sleep better at night.
Please note that during the month of October, some FULL closures— both directions, and for many hours— are planned for Highway 18. These will occur between Snow Valley Ski Resort and the Big Bear Dam (the section of highway known as the, “Arctic Circle,” even if it is not a circle, and not Arctic). See the article on, “Mountain Reporter” at www.mountainreporter.com for more information, including specific dates/ times.
So far, this has seemed SO close to being an actual, “Road Report” that I ALMOST want to stop right here and just savor the fact that for once, I had one job, and actually performed it. Alas, this is not to be. Today is the day that I’ve decided to come out of the closet.
See, I’ve always claimed to be a dog person… not a cat person. Dogs express their affection, they do tricks, and have absolutely no dignity whatsoever. Cats, on the other paw, are aloof, reserved, and will not give any indication that they have even the slightest concern over whether or not you are there, or whether you burn in a terrible hell. A cat would surely just lick its paws while being oh- so- mildly- amused at watching you be incinerated, then it would bat some moths around, or sleep some more.
When a dog ponders things, it muses, “Hey… my owner gives me a place to live, feeds me, takes care of my every need… he must be a GOD!” The cat, meanwhile, pondering the way that a CAT ponders, thinks, “Hey… my owner gives me a place to live, feeds me, takes care of my every need… I must be a GOD!”
However… It seems that I’m not as pet- binary as I thought. Lately, I’ve had, uhhh, feelings, for cats. Do you remember when Snoop Dogg changed his name, albeit temporarily, to, “Snoop Lion”? Well, I’ve been feline like a change like that might be in order for me… Kcat might be in the works.
See, we ended up with this cat in our house. “Mocha” was really skittish, and especially seemed to disdain males. I presume that some male had been cruel to the cat in its past. In any case, the cat seemed to like the ladies of the house, but not the guy who installs my boxers each morning. But, I worked to make friends… and, even though it took a while, the cat eventually warmed up to me.
And now, I can’t walk anywhere in the house without the cat anticipating my trajectory, bolting ahead of me, and doing a Hollywood- stuntman flop to the ground in front of me, with the express direction to PET HER NOW, ESPECIALLY THE BELLY… DO IT NOW. When a person walks past our stairway, she runs, leaps, climbs, and does whatever it takes to position herself in a location that has maximum petting potential from whoever is near the open stairway. Of course, this cat is a laser dot chaser, too… and when that rascally dot disappears down a heater vent or under a piece of furniture, she will spend the next hour patiently waiting for it to emerge… which it does, every now and then, just to keep her inner predator spirit alive. I need to be careful, though, as I have no doubt whatsoever that this cat would chase that dot into a boiling pot of hydrochloric acid filled with broken glass and angry vipers (which is why we got rid of every single one of our boiling pots of hydrochloric acid filled with broken glass and angry vipers).
The cat also climbs up onto furniture, and when an unsuspecting person walks by, she may launch herself onto a shoulder, so that the person can see that OBVIOUSLY, the cat needs to be carried around, in the “burping- a- baby” position. Of course, the other “furniture” the cat has laid claim to is the bed… if it’s nighttime, that cat is on the bed, with her people. Sometimes she’ll sleep at the foot of the bed, and sometimes she’ll crawl under the covers, to explore… her cat- cave game is strong. But usually, she prefers to curl up, on, or around a human.
This cat comes running when you call her… now, for some reason, she seems to respond more to “Come here, Puppy!” than to her own name, but, whatever… I really don’t know why we ever called her, “Puppy” to start with, as I fear that it could lead to some identity confusion later on.
But, see, identity confusion has already manifested itself… in ME. Am I a dog person… or have I switched teams? Do I go both ways? Is this because I “experimented in college” with petting my girlfriend’s cat? Does EVERYBODY experiment… or am I different? Maybe it’s just a phase of being, “cat- curious.” Maybe I could attend one of those retreats where they can “unlearn” the feline feelings in me. Will my parents still accept me? Will my friends…? Plus… how can I tell who ELSE is like me… is there a secret sign? Are there places where people like me can mingle and meet?
Whatever the case… now you know. It kind of makes me dizzle, but I’m just going to proudly hold my hizzle up high, whizzle a happy tune, and shizzle my cat nizzle.
