Today’s road report is a farce. See, I did not actually drive the roads today. So we’re going to go with what it’s probably like out there. While past performance is not a guarantee of future results,
I’m going to bet on the following: No rocks, no snow, no mudslides, no crashes, no fires, no anything that would make your drive suck today.
But, today is, “National Waffle Day!” We’re going to celebrate! Wait, no, I don’t know. Maybe it’s not that big of a deal. Oh, what the hell… of course it is! Well, maybe. Maybe we shouldn’t make a big deal out of it. Or, maybe we should? Do people want to? Or not? Sometimes I think so… but, other times, not so much. So, maybe. I don’t know. Whatever.
My Uncle Herbie recently had a lung transplant. He said it wasn’t so bad… but he did have a problem with the knowledge that the first few times that he coughed up phlegm, it wasn’t his own.
I’m considering getting a dog. I want one that can do tricks. I saw an ad on Craigslist for one that the seller claims will be just what I need, but it’s a breed I’ve never heard of before… anybody know anything about a Labracadabrador?
Say, anybody know why you don’t see elephants sitting in trees? Of course, it’s because they are REALLY good at it. Okay, that’s not true… it’s actually because I have been putting out elephant repellant. No elephants around here, you say? See? It works.
Statistics have shown that only 40% of graduating students coming out of our schools today have a decent grasp of basic mathematical concepts. I have no idea how the other half got diplomas.
Okay, it’s Friday, so I’ll have to put all of this joke nonsense to an end. But first some words of wisdom… learn from my friend, Dave. Last Friday, Dave got paid. Well, instead of going home, he went out drinking. And, it turned into sort of a bender… he did not show back up at home until Sunday afternoon. His wife was pretty mad about it, and she lit into him, for a good two hours. Finally, she asked, “What would YOU think if you didn’t see ME for a couple of days?” Well, Dave, not being too terribly bright, said, “Oh, that would be just fine.” And, he did not see her on Monday… or Tuesday… or even Wednesday. However, by Thursday, the swelling had gone down just enough so that he could see her out of the corner of his left eye. That’s all, folks… don’t forget to celebrate! Or not. Whatever. Just do whatever, I guess.