The fog is back. It’s not terrible; moderate at worst, only patchy, and only in a thin layer, from about the 3725 ft. elevation to 2940 ft. (just 785 ft. worth of elevation, roughly… about 2 miles, 368 ft. of roadway). Down here on the flat parts, though, there’s some rain. It’s not heavy, sort of a very heavy mist, but some areas may requires windshield wiper activation.
And that “Major Highway Construction Project,” repaving and guardrail work, won’t start until May 30, and that’s… wait, that’s today! The stated plan of attack, per CalTrans, is to begin the project near the Crestline Bridge, and over the course of the next few weeks or months, move downhill. Work is scheduled to be from 7:00 AM through 3:30 PM each weekday. There may be single- lane closures (no full closures have been announced or anticipated), escort vehicles, or other disruptions to the commute. I also heard that there will be no catcalls from the construction crews, as they were given an afternoon of “sensitivity training” yesterday afternoon. Wait, oops, sorry, that was Starbucks that was taught how to be sensitive. But I’ll bet that the CalTrans dudes are already sensitive, so, you ladies are probably safe from insensitive catcalls.
Okay, so today is going to be random storytime day. And it comes with an admission of sorts. I have to come clean, and confess my past to readers.
I have alluded to my “thug life” recently… and I don’t think that you’ve been told about my sordid past. Open honesty is the best thing here… I hope that it’s not too much of a shock to learn that Kdog, has indeed been “involuntarily detained” at Pelican Bay SuperMax Prison in Northern California. I just hope that you can see past it now, and see that my life has turned around since.
It was about 20 years ago… I lived in Northern CA at the time, and was just out for a drive one fine morning. I happened to be passing near Pelican Bay State Prison. I figured I might as well have a look at the place… just to say I’d been there.
I stopped my car on the road near the entrance gates of the impressively huge detention facility. I sat there for a minute, and saw a couple of vehicles pull up to the guard shack, engage in short discussion with the guards, and then proceed onto the prison grounds when the little gate arm rose. I thought that perhaps they’d let me go have a lil’ looksee around, if I asked politely.
I pulled up to the gate, and the guard indicated that an electronic speaker was the way to communicate with him through his bulletproof- glass window. I politely asked, “Hey, any chance I could just drive out into the parking lot back there… just to check out what a SuperMax prison looks like?” I wasn’t real confident that my wish would be granted, but, what’s the harm in asking, right?
The guard pointed to one of a few little lane selections ahead. He said, “You see that little road there? Take it, and go out back.”
Sweet mother of pearl! This guy was going to let me take a self- guided driving tour of the exterior of the prison! I felt rather smug, even, not only for thinking up this great idea but also for having the chutzpa to ask about that kind of thing. Hey, you don’t ask, you don’t get… as for ME, I done GOT!
The little gate arm rose, and I headed out back for my tour.
Only, see, this is the part where things get a little dicey. That part where the guard said, “… go out back?” Well, later on, he would affirm that what he REALLY said was for me to, “… go back out.” And, it turns out, there’s a world of difference between, “…go out back…” and “… go back out.”
And, nobody will ever know for CERTAIN what was said… I am sure I heard one thing, he is sure he said another. Whatever. Details.
So, there I was, whistling a happy tune, as I prowled the grounds of Pelican Bay. I still couldn’t believe my good fortune… or that they actually just let random people drive around back there! I could see barbed wire, guards with guns, Dobermans… and prisoners out in the yard doing whatever prisoners do out in the yard. They were probably doing gang stuff, and sharing their Martha Stuart tips on making your own shanks from household materials (HA! She did do time, huh? I wonder if she really can do that!). They might have been sharing Pruno recipes, or planning some great escape. Whatever they were doing, I was there to see it!
And then— it went from good fortune to GREAT fortune! Sirens started going off, prisoners hit the ground, and the activity level among the guards escalated SHARPLY… something was GOING DOWN! And I was going to be there to witness it all!
Seconds later, I saw emergency vehicles tearing through the parking lots. They were racing in my direction… I was going to have a front row seat for whatever was happening! Things just kept getting better!
I have to admit, even at the very moment that the cars all came skidding to a stop in a formation that boxed me in about three times over, I was STILL thinking that this was my lucky day. I still thought that.
However… when the guard grabbed my hair, pulled me through the open T-top of my bitchin’ Camaro, and threw me to the ground, I started to think otherwise. I had a dozen guns pointed at various treasured parts of my body, and the mood was not relaxed or even happy. These guys were pretty jacked up on the buzz of activity… and activity there was.
So, it turns out… the gate guard said that he had told me to “…go back out,” and was apparently motioning me towards the little road that hooked a u- turn… but there really were quite a few “little roads” to choose from, and I apparently mistook his “cock- the- head- in- that- direction” direction, and took the WRONG “little road.” He thought that my request was so preposterous that he wasn’t even going to explain to me just HOW preposterous is was… it was THAT preposterous. Next, when it APPEARED that I was disobeying his order (I still say that he said, “… go out back!”), the prison went into high alert mode. They dispatched their finest, most amped- up teams of otherwise bored steroid- slugging guerilla/ gorilla guards… they were getting some action! They were very sure that I was there to spring some felonious dirtbag, and race away with somebody on the unauthorized early- release program.
They held me for about an hour. They did background checks on me. They searched my vehicle. They questioned me. They cross- referenced my name against every single inmate’s name. They “registered” me, putting me on some “list,” in that if there is ever a prison break at Pelican Bay, I get to be one of the top suspects… I’d seen too much… I knew too much.
I guess it was still my lucky day: They did NOT do a body cavity search… I’m sure that I DO have cavities, but I didn’t want them filled, or searched, or whatever they do with cavities. And, they did eventually let me go. Not on friendly terms, really. They did NOT invite me to return… for some reason, those guys think I’m an idiot. Whatever.
I can say this much… I day that learned word of importance may that sequence meaning some have!
