Tuesday travelers: another commute to commence. It’s brisk out there but I did not see freezing temperatures at my house. Perhaps the higher elevations had those temps, but even if this is so, the point is rather moot, as it is dry, dry, dry out there. No rain, no snow, no fog, no humidity. It’s so dry out there that even the skin on my hands is cracking and parched. Mrs. Kdog said, “Moist your eyes!” However, obviously, the problem is my hands, not my eyes. I just don’t understand why women say these things. Whatever… I just nod, and go along with it.
We do have wind. It is still blowing. My car tells me about it every morning as soon as I fire it up: There’s a big video display on my dash, and I get these “High Wind Warnings,” which tell me where the wind is (to include maps), and for how long it’ll be blowing.
I come from an ancient time in history when a “High Wind Warning” came in the form of my car wandering all over the road. When it was difficult to keep it between the lines AND I had not been drinking, well, that was a “High Wind Warning.” Sometimes, even before I got into my non-satellite-connected car, I could get “High Wind Warnings” in the form of my hair going all over the place, my shirttails flapping around, or a Walmart bag sticking to my face.
I spent ten years behind the wheel of a big rig. High wind warnings are a little more intense from that position. I recall one time being hit by a gust of wind, and when I looked in my mirror at the trailer I was pulling, I saw about three feet of absolutely nothing underneath the set of wheels that should have been directly behind me AND on the freakin’ ground. The trailer held that position for a while (seemed like days but was probably just a few hours), but fortunately, when the trailer decided which side of the teeter-totter it wanted to select, it was the correct one. Still, I did more than just a little clenching. I don’t remember for certain, but memory tells me that I think the seat in that rig had to be replaced afterwards… it may have even vanished entirely.
But that wasn’t even the most heart-stopping wind event in that truck, for me. Another time, as I crossed the great flats of Kansas during a storm, I looked in my mirror and took note of the fact that my freakin’ trailer was gone. This was a matter of great and instant concern, as the trailer is not SUPPOSED to vanish while driving along Interstate 70. I looked in the mirror on the OTHER side of the truck, and saw nothing. As my clenching for THAT day commenced vigorously, and mirror inspections continued, it was discovered that the wind had simply pushed the trailer—still attached to my tractor—so far off to the side, and onto the shoulder, that I was driving along in a jackknife position. The trailer had vanished from my driver-side mirror, but what I was seeing in my passenger-side mirror was the blank wall of the side of the trailer. I was able to slow the rig, bring it to a stop, and not hit anything of significance. Clearly, though, my clenching muscles were getting stronger every day. Too bad there’s no clenching event in the Olympics, or else I could be a highly competitive athlete.
Hey, completely random, but truck-driving-related joke: Do you know what truck drivers do to stay awake on those long, lonely highways? First, a driver takes a one hundred dollar bill out of his wallet. He pinches it tightly in between his thumb and index finger. Then, he rolls the window down, and sticks his arm out as far as it will go, all the while, pinching that C-note… and he drives!
When it’s windy like this, don’t drive along next to high profile vehicles for any longer than needed to simply pass them. You really shouldn’t ever do it, but especially don’t do it today. Gusts can make a truck, RV, or van wander all over the highway. Sometimes they even tip over completely. You don’t want to be near them when any of that happens.
Oh, say, while I’m in the biz of dispensing driving advice, I need to add another tip to yesterday’s tutorial on how to safely remove rocks from the highway. As mentioned, if you can do so safely, there’s a moral obligation to remove dangerous rocks from the roadway, for the safety of other travelers. However, one thing I forgot to mention is that IF you can do so, try your best to NOT divert other drivers’ attention towards yourself, until you get the rock out of the road.
If you’ve pulled over and are preparing to remove some sinister stone from the rocky road, if other drivers approaching divert their gaze to stare at a person or a vehicle on the side of the road, well, they’re likely to NOT see the rock, and drive into that thing at 70 FMPH. Remember this frightening statistic: Three out of five motor vehicle operators are in the dumbest 60% of drivers! Thus, you must compensate, whenever possible. If you can stop in a nearby turnout, out of sight, this can help. If you can stop somewhere AWAY from the rock, and approach on foot while maintaining a low visual profile, then do so. If you MUST be seen, though… POINT to the rock, so that approaching vehicles may have a moment to process the warning. Hopefully, those drivers will be it the upper intelligence range of drivers (even though—true fact—a full 90% are in the worst nine out of ten for driving skills!).
So, watch for rocks on the road today, and don’t drive next to high profile vehicles. The wind does not seem to be QUITE as extreme as it’s been over the past few days, but it’s still a lot gustier than “gentle breeze” parameters allow by definition. Finally, take Mrs. Kdog’s advice: Moist your eyes!