Kdog’s Road Report, 11/09/18

Good morning, commuters! Lots to cover today, so make sure that your #2 pencils are sharpened, then sit up straight… and no gum chewing!

The wind is blowing… bigtime. The Satan Ana winds are raging. Admittedly, it’s not causing problems as devastating as other parts of the state are experiencing, but, our commute is certainly compromised this morning. Rocks on the highway are the biggest concern today… there are plenty of them, and more WILL be coming down, all day long. At this time, the worst of the rock-on-road problem is on the downhill side of Highway 18, from the Upper Waterman Canyon Road Exit, for the next three miles of downhill from there. That section of highway is typically highly vulnerable to rock invasion, given the unstable cliff faces above. During wind events, the shrubs and grasses are waved about, loosening the rocks, which are more than happy to take a gravity-fueled joyride all the way to the next horizontal surface. So…  be very, very careful, ESPECIALLY on that section of the highway.

There’s a layer of hays, too… yesterday’s layer of haze has been replaced by the debris of hays, grasses, tumbleweeds, plastic bags, and whatnot. There’s no moisture in the air, but anything else that isn’t nailed down, is in the air now. Mentally prepare yourself for this so that you do not perform some reflexive panic-reaction when a tumbleweed rolls into your path. Better to hit the tumbleweed, than to swerve into the car next to you, or into a ditch.

That’s what the roads look like today… as noted from the observation station of my 2016 Dodge Challenger… Say… now that you mention it…

It’s already time for my long term review of this Challenger… I’ve been driving around in the thing for two months now, and have put about 5,000 miles on the clock. I’ll say this: I’m beginning to look like the Joker because of the permanent smile on my face. Mom warned me that my face would freeze one day, and this Challenger has done it… it is stuck.

I can’t remember if I had confessed to you before that when I was car shopping, after my Camaro had met its demise, I had actually considered going Cadillac. Sure, I know that seems like a giant leap: like going from fire walking to a walker, or from Jack Daniels to Geritol, or from BASE jumping to Bridge, but come on… Cadillac actually makes some very high performance vehicles these days. They are NOT your father’s Cadillacs, and they are not like a rock, but they ARE hand-built by robots, made from jets that are ram tough, while still delivering the ultimate driving experience. And see, the thing is, Cadillac does all of this while STILL maintaining their reputation for plush, bespoke, luxurious ride comfort. The engine is quiet, while the sound system cranks. The seats are soft, while the suspension is tight. Grandma CAN drive it… but tires tremble with fear at the appearance of drivers who are non-knitting club members, because they’re gonna get some tire-smokin’ road rash.

However, I digress: I did NOT buy a Cadillac. I bought a Dodge Challenger. But see, this Mopar car is all of the Cadillac I ever wanted… it’s quiet, smooth, and quite frankly, the most comfortable car I have ever even ridden in. Lately, in fact, when Mrs. Kdog and I disagree on the occasional thing, I almost find myself HOPING to be banished to go sleep in the car… it really wouldn’t be so bad. On the other hand, I should probably stop suggesting that those jeans sort of make her butt look big, or pulling my dirty socks out of the hamper to put them all over the floor again, or mentioning how good her sister looks.

So, the comfort part has been established… but performance? Holy smokin’ tires, I don’t even NEED any more than it has. Perhaps when I have matured into a responsible driver, the temptation that might come with driving a car that can do 200 MPH (as the top-of-the-line Hellcat Challengers can do) would be something that I could demonstrate my self-control with. However, THIS car, which has a top speed of closer to 160 MPH, provides enough of a temptation to me (No, I have not taken it to 160 MPH… yet). Top speed is dangerously delicious… but cornering, braking, handling, even quickness (how fast the car can achieve different speeds or distances from a stop) are still top shelf.

I love the eight-speed auto-stick transmission. It reminds me of when I used to fly fighter jets back in the Air Force. Well, okay, technically, I didn’t exactly FLY them, but I have seen a LOT of movies where really cool guys do, so basically, I qualify more or less as a fighter jet pilot, and am thus qualified to draw my comparison. Pulling the stick forward or backward to achieve greater speed or to scrub it off, is just a freakin’ good time. I don’t care who you are. ESPECIALLY when “Danger Zone,” by Kenny Loggins, is cranked up and I have my mirrored sunglasses on, Goose. I just have to keep my eye out for bogeys at 6 o’clock.

If I were to compare this car to my most recent regularly-driven car, the aforementioned 2011 Camaro, I’d have to say that this Challenger is superior in nearly every way. Now, the Camaro was no slouch, not by any means, and this comparison isn’t exactly fair, sort of an apples-to-oranges thing, given that the Challenger has five years’ worth of newer technology to claim as its own. However… the Challenger, even though claiming a lower hp (306 hp vs. 312 in the Camaro), seems MORE powerful: the Challenger is heavier than the Camaro by about 1,000 pounds, even… but is quicker and faster than the Camaro was. And… the Challenger gets remarkably better mileage (24 MPG vs. 20 MPG, average… MY numbers, not just the ones displayed by the car’s analytics). Quicker, faster, more comfortable, good lookin’ as hell, less to spend on gas… it’s like win, win, win… win, win… win, win, win, win, win… you see the pattern.

Now, the Camaro seemed to generate a FEW more random comments from admirers… however, I attribute much of that to the fact that the Camaro was screamin’ yella, a color that inspired random compliments on a daily basis. I’ve still had my share of admiration in this newer car, as expressed by a number of people, on a fairly regular basis, but this Challenger’s more subdued color is probably less likely to draw out the spontaneous shouts or batting eyelashes. Finally, too… much of the Camaro’s adoration seemed to come from its resemblance to a famous movie car named “Bumblebee….” The Challenger does not have an iconic showbiz personality… however, its retro look has drawn many comments, all positive, especially from those who appreciate the muscle cars of the 60’s and 70’s.

Oh, but this Challenger DOES have the potential to improve my social life. I can carry four friends with me! Camaros and Mustangs only let the driver bring three friends with him, and two of them had better be fairly small, child-sized people. The Challenger, on the other hand… will let me have four GROWN-UPS ride with me, and unless they are Shaq or Andre-the-guy-who-wears-a-hula-hoop-for-a-wedding-ring, everybody will be happy. I’ll crank up Queen’s, “I’m In Love With My Car,” and I will rock you!

Enjoy the weekend, and keep an eye out for the dog that drives a Dodge… you’ll recognize me by the permagrin!