Gooooooood morning, commuters! My calendar calls this one, “Friday,” and I’m guessing that most of your calendars display similar results. Just another few hours of this pesky jobby- job, and you’re free. Stick with me, here, through the necessary road condition report, which might be a little dry, I’ll admit, and I’ll reward tenacious and loyal readers with my secret method of turning the next two days into a FOUR. DAY. WEEKEND!!!
Okay, road conditions: A little dry. Nothing follows.
Back to the big reveal: There’s a four day weekend coming up! Now, I get that you have to work today, and that the boss expects to see your smiling self back in biz on Monday morning… but, I’ve figured out a way to get a four day weekend out of that. And, this isn’t just some fantasy, some impossible- to- do idea: I have done this. It works!
Okay, so, Friday afternoon comes… go home, throw three beers back. No, wait, drink them, instead. The three beers will make you tired, a feeling which you are encouraged to succumb to… go to bed. I recommend doing so by around 7PM.
At 1AM, you wake up. There’s not a lot to do at 1AM, but heck, you are wide awake… and so is San Manuel, the casino in Highland! Head on over to the casino, and spend a few hours dropping cash. It’ll cost you… but it’ll be fun!
Since you don’t want to lose EVERYTHING, try to wrap things up at the casino by 6AM or so. Besides…. You got up at 1AM, so you are tired!
Go home, grab yourself a lil’ nappy- poo. Now, “nappy- poo” does not have a clear definition… but I recommend making it a good five or six hours of snooze- time. You need to shake the tired feeling you had earlier.
Naptime should end around noon or so… time to get up and PARTY! Get up, grab some more beer, maybe go BBQ in the backyard. Go see some friends… check out a movie. Hell, I don’t care what you do, it’s just that you need to be back home by 10PM. Any later than that, and you could screw the plan up. But whatever you do… you’re still on only your second day of the weekend!
Okay… home at 10PM, and into the fartsack you go. No TV or FaceBook or other bedtime activities… off to sleep with you. But don’t forget to set your alarm clock for 4AM. I know, that’s a tough hour for some… but sacrifices sometimes need to be made, in order to get a four day weekend like this.
Up at 4AM, and back to the casino. Sure, we’re packing a lot of gambling into this four- day weekend thing, but, really, there’s not much else to do at these wee hours. You can’t use chainsaws or snowblowers or circular saws, you can’t fire your guns into the backyard (unless you live in VOE, where it’s acceptable… even expected), you can’t lay out and expect much of a tan, and your NORMAL friends are not going to appreciate you just dropping by to see whassup. Also, the reason for the second gambling session is to win back all of the money that you lost a couple of days ago. It’s basically a foolproof plan; but if it’s not, well, sorry about that. (Editor’s note: MountainReporter.com does not endorse gambling, and shall not be held responsible for any losses incurred by readers of this column. Please gamble responsibly (Translation: “Don’t gamble”), not the way the author of this column says to do, because he is not a responsible person at all. He’s really sort of a blooming idiot, but whatever). You SHOULD be able to win back all of your money in about four hours. After a bite for breakfast, and a stop at the ATM to deposit your winnings, you should be home by 9AM or so. And, you guessed it: When you get home, go to bed!
Only, you don’t need to sleep all day… roll out of bed when the teenagers do, around 3PM. You still have time to enjoy the FOURTH day of your weekend! And, you can do whatever you’d like to do… my work here is finished, as there are no further instructions coming from me… just enjoy your FOURTH day of the weekend.
Okay, try it this weekend… if you like it, then great! However, it should be noted that NEXT weekend, there’s going to be a wrench thrown into the works… it’ll require an adjustment of hours, but it’s still workable. Or, you could simply pare your two days down to a three- day weekend. Whatever… see, on Sunday, September 30 (again: NEXT weekend, not this’n), there’s an event at the Egyptian Theater in Hollywood. It’s FREE! “Free” happens to be my personal favorite price for things, and this is that!
It’s a screening of the movie, “Bubba Ho-Tep.” It’s a cult favorite (not to worry: If you are not already a member of a cult, I’m sure that helpful customer service representatives/ recruiters on site can offer guidance, so that you can select just the right cult to fit your needs), sort of a comedy/ horror/ drama/ supernatural- mystery thing, with a heavy dose of Elvis flavoring. For those who arrive early— that’s 2PM, in Hollywoodese— cast and crew of the show will be on hand for autographs and breeze- shooting! The star list includes our very own local boy, Mr. Reggie Bannister, along with his wife, both of whom have been in MANY movies together, including this one. Director/ writer/ producer Don Coscarelli will be signing copies of his new book, and it’ll be a fun time to mingle with some Hollywood horror hitters. The movie will be screened at around 3PM. Come on down, spend a little time in Hollywood, and still work at least a three- day weekend out of it all!