Scary ride to work today! See, I decided to try carpooling, so I met up with “Tom” (my friend from MySpace) this morning. We decided to ride together, since he works near where I work. Somebody has to go first, so today, Tom drove.
We got to 40th Street, and, of course, the light was red (as usual…. duh). But, instead of stopping, slowing down, or taking the Starbucks Scenic Bypass, Tom just gassed it, and shot through the red light! Now, sure, there’s hardly EVER any cross traffic there, but still… with my luck, the one car in twenty minutes would be there at that moment… As soon as I unclenched everything that had clenched, I admonished Tom for that dangerous move.
He said, “Don’t sweat it! My brother does that all the time!”
Well, we continued on down Waterman, and a twice more, we came to red lights, which Tom insanely went speeding through! I was not only terrified, but pretty angry. I demanded that he stop blowing off red lights.
Again, he dismissed my concerns, casually saying, “Oh, it’s fine… it’s no big deal… my brother, he does it ALL the time!”
At 30th street, the light was green, so I relaxed a little… but this time, Tom slammed on the brakes and came to a stop… at the GREEN light! After I extracted my face from the dashboard, I asked him, “What the hell are you STOPPING for, now?”
He said, “Man, we gotta be careful… my brother might be coming the other way!”
Okay, not a true story… but today IS “National Tell a Joke Day!”
Roads are clear, and nobody is compulsively, chronically, crazily, or comically running red lights. There’s no fog, no smog, no ice, no mice, no rocks, no Glocks, no fox in socks.
Now, in addition to being National Tell a Joke Day, it’s also National Rum Day. Arrrrrggggghhhhhh… git yer ol’ parrot on the shoulder, yer eye patch, an ye peg- leg ready fer some swilling from the jug! Wait, sorry, I got today mixed up with International Talk Like a Pirate Day, but I feel very strongly that these days SHOULD be concurrent. Even Christmas Eve and Christmas are consecutive, fortunately, because they somehow seem related… but having Rum Day NOT as part of Pirate day? Come on! Shiver me timbers, ye ol’ scalliwag!
But, celebrate! Take a shot of Captain Big “M” little organ… maybe some coconut, pineapple, or papaya rum. Bacardi comes in different power levels, but if you go all the way up to the 151 octane, it’s going to hurt, I promise. Or, go for a mixed drink: You’re familiar with the “Long Island Iced Tea,” but may I suggest the NEW thing? The “Three Mile Island Iced Tea?” It’s got Rum, Vodka, Whisky, and plutonium (not bad with a piece of yellow cake!). Really gets ya lit! Or, the, “Rum with a View?” Three parts Rum, to one part Visine… or even try the “Cap’n Crunch:” It’s Captain Morgan poured over a bowlful of celery pieces.
Okay, you got me: I’m no bartender. I’m no carpooler, either. I’ll stop telling you about both… because my brother might be coming the other way, and he might already be celebrating rum day.