The ride is trouble- free today… in fact, the weather’s been a little cooler over the past few days, the smoke has drifted away for the most part, and skies this morning were clear. However… there have been sketchy reports of the sighting of Bigfoot in our area. There’s a report of a really big something that was seen locally. And who knows… could BF (for the purposes of this column, “BF” will mean, “Bigfoot,” and not the other presumed, “Big something”) be running around this area?.
Here’s how it’s all gone down over the past day or so: Yesterday, in the morning, my neighbor and friend Bryan texted me. His text read, “Great costume!”
I replied, indicating that I hadn’t the slightest idea what he was talking about… I assumed he’d sent the text to the wrong person (I’ve done that, and it’s not ALWAYS a fun time!).
His response to my claim of ignorance was, “LOL!”
Obviously, he wasn’t buying my claim. We bantered by text for a while, with me expressing my lack of knowledge regarding WTH he was talking about, and his responses expressing his faux delight at how well I was continuing to maintain my clearly- false claim of innocence.
Eventually though, using techniques that I learned while working for the KGB (well, no, technically, I learned ‘em from TV), I was able to extract information from my subject. Apparently, in the wee, dark hours of morning he’d seen a BF- like- creature come running around his house. He said that it gave him quite a start at first (He even used the term, “almost shat myself,” though I can’t find that in any dictionary), but he quickly realized that OBVIOUSLY, this was just his prankster neighbor Kdog having a lil’ fun… at 4AM. I’m not sure, but it may have even done some poses, slammed a couple of beers, and yodeled some “Eric Clapton” tunes, which would have clearly made me a suspect. But, I swear… it wasn’t me. Sure, I shot the Sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy OR dress up like BF.
Now, I spent the rest of the morning trying to convince Bryan that I had no knowledge of this creature. Bryan, however, merely found my denials to be amusing, and, apparently, at some point I even unwittingly passed the, “thou protesteth too much” barrier. He’s pretty convinced that I had the nerve to don a BF suit, and run around his yard. Oh, by the way… Bryan is the best archer that I’ve ever known… he can drive an arrow through anything’s ear- hole from 50 yards away (or even as close as his OWN yard), and this alone should be enough proof that there is no way in (fill in the name of any location, to include places where God or Satan may reside) that I would go near his house looking like ANYTHING other than a human being. Folks don’t dress up in deer costumes to visit the forest during hunting season, and they do NOT approach Bryan’s house looking like something that might need to stop speeding arrows.
Ironically, but I presume entirely coincidentally, that same morning, I also had a visitor to my house, as evidenced by the fact that when I opened my door in the wee, dark hours of morning, to depart for work, I discovered that a case of beer had been left on my doorstep. It is true: I am not making this up… the Beer Fairy visited me! I’m pretty sure that I know the Clark Kent identity of this BF (for the purpose of this column, “BF” will mean, “Beer Fairy”), since my best- neighbor- ever, Geoffrey, works for a beer company, and has knocked on my door a number of times with the strange but true claim that he “has too much beer,” and would I please take a case or two off his hands?!? So, while BF was terrorizing Bryan, the BF was leaving free beer (FB) on my doorstep. Sounds like I got a fantastic bargain (FB), while Bryan got frightened badly (FB).
Really, this story still needs a little more exposure… I think I’ll post this tale about my BFF Bryan getting FB by BF while I got the FB of FB from the BF… gotta post this on FB.