Roads are clear… what few crumbs the snowplows missed over the winter have now been completely removed by Old El Sol… it was pretty warm yesterday. There’s no fog today, no rain, no rocks, no snow, no ice, no decent traffic reports… well, on the radio, that is.
Warning: Rant ahead!!!
Traffic reports on the radio are just about worthless! First off, EVEN IF they occasionally do get the location information correct, by the time it reaches the listener, the information is usually many hours old. Somebody calls in to report a traffic issue… the radio station has to verify it… then they teletype it to the DJs and radio personalities, and eventually it is broadcast. By then, it’s ancient news, and reported trafficky areas are now Autobahnish, while the once- clear areas are now parking lots. As a professional commuter, I see that happen constantly.
And even when it’s not a traffic news tip provided by a listener, I’m pretty convinced that the helicopter traffic reporters are just guys broadcasting from their mom’s basement, adding helicoptery sounds to the “broadcast,” in order to fool us into marveling at the wonders of each station’s live, Doppler one billion, pie- in- the- eye, skynews chopper vision, trafficNOW, forward- looking- infra- red, mega- Doppler TWO billion (yes the upgrade to the Doppler happened during the braggadocio), traffic reports.
But, then, locations are hardly ever correct to start with: I’m always hearing about the backup on northbound I-10 at San Jacinto, or the gridlock in Ventura where the 60 and 15 split. And direction seems to be incorrect MORE than half of the time! Come on… just GUESSING at the direction should be right 50% of the time!
A while back, on a radio station that will remain unidentified for legal reasons, but plays country, has a jumpitty for a mascot, and rhymes with, “Kdog,” I heard a traffic report about a “collision at the intersection of Hwy 18 and Hwy 138, near Crestline.” Crazy… something really local! Only, when I got to the mentioned location, there was nothing. Oddly, the next day, I heard EXACTLY the same report… and again, no collision in sight. And I heard the SAME report, for the next two days after that… I don’t know if they were replaying a recorded report each day, or what… but there were no collisions at that location on ANY of the days that they reported. Finally, on Friday of that week, the report changed… there was no report of a collision at that location. And wouldn’t you know it… that day, I swear, there was a traffic collision right there, on my morning commute! True story… sorry if you were waiting for a punch line, but there is none… other than wanting to punch the imaginary traffic report in its theoretical face.
Anyhow, after the KPOLLYWOG (oops…I toadally frogot about not mentioning their name, after the failure to report traffic newts accurately… even if I am being a tad politically incorrect ) incident, I pretty much wrote off radio traffic news. It’s practically useless.
The reports on these pages might be a little out- of- date, too, by the time you read them, and for that I am sorry… but, I will never mislead you with reports that there’s a Sig Alert on the westbound 215 where it meets with northbound I- 40 on the overpass going up the Blue Jay Cutoff. That is my solemn-ander promise to you.
WOW, you nailed it! My exact complaints with that station. Yes, I’ve heard them repeat traffic reports an hour later. And helicopter noise, yes! They’ll say they’re right over a spot where I am, and no helicopter. Keep up the GREAT work, KDOG.