This report brought to you by Kaila Brooks, Realtor
Good morning, riders! Saddle up them horses… time for the daily report!
Whoa! You may have already herd that there’s nothing real extraordinary to report about the drive today. I did, however, pull onto the horseshoe road below the Crestline bridge to check the pavement today, and found the road hard… but not put away wet (besides… there’s no rein).
Okay… enough stalling: today is National I Love Horses day. No joke: I’m not horsing around here. So, hitch up them jockey shorts, saddle up, and we’ll all love horses together today. We’ll talk about this until our voices become tired and sore… you know, hoarse. A recent Gallop poll indicated that readers love horses… this is what spurred me to do this bit. I trot it would be nice to pay tribute to horses. Today, horses will be the glue that holds this thing together.
I’ve mentioned how difficult—naeigh, impossible—the act of “cow tipping” is. One of the many reasons is that it’s hard to sneak up on a cow. Well, same with horses… they have almost 360-degree vision, given the placement of their eyes. There is only a very small “blind spot,” right at the very back… but while it’s not recommended that you try sneaking up from there, you ARE likely to get a real kick out of it!
I went to the track to play the ponies, and walked out at the end of the day with a small fortune. My secret? I started with a LARGE fortune.
Mildy interesting but unconfirmed trivia: Years ago, there was a pickup truck that belonged to a Crestline resident. It had a vanity plate that read, “BLOCKR2,” or something similar. It was said that the owner was a guy who was the stunt double for Dan Blocker (“Eric ‘Hoss’ Cartwright”) on the TV show, Bonanza. This seemed to be just one of those things that “everybody knows.” One of the sources that I recall from oh, so many years ago, was a guy who I met in Crestline (but I don’t think he LIVED in Crestline). He was the artist who painted the original map that is seen burning in the opening credits of Bonanza. This guy still owned the original. That’s one of the most famous and easily recognizable pieces of on-fire American pop culture… that still burns, to this very day.
Then there was the elderly horse that fell… “I’ve fallen, and can’t giddyup!”
Hay! Pony up and try one of those dinner-and-a-show places. Don’t eat the road apples or the meadow muffins… just spend the two dollars on some actual food… something with a mane dish, some thorough bread, and maybe a nice draft beer. Try the black scallions, or the pancakes… with maple stirrup. No need to track your calories… I’ll bet you will still win at the place with the show. You don’t want to stirrup any trouble while you’re there, of course… if you see a wedding party there, don’t bother them… or else the bridle get mad… if she isn’t stable, well, you don’t want to deal with that night mare!
Whew… we punned the hell out of this column, partner! My intent was to sleigh you! It’s okay, I’m no nobody’s foal. I’m a professional… I was BARN to do this!
(This just in to our news desk: Follow-up on the elderly horse that fell… he was found, and taken to the horsepital.)
Laughing my ass off. 🙂