This report brought to you by Mountains Community Hospital
Gooooooood morning… ‘tis hump day for all of us working class camels.
Roads are so utterly not fraught with hazards today… there’s no rain, no cold temps, no snow, no ice, VERY few emus, no rocks, no wind, not even any Iranian torpedoes. You’ll survive, and arrive from your drive alive… and that’s no jive, Clive.
So, somewhere during the 15 foot walk between the house door and my car door this morning, a mosquito bit me just above my ear. This just left me scratching my head…
…and then I got to wondering, can a person get Lyme disease in the head???
…Yep, but you’ve got to drink a BUNCH of Coronas for this to happen.
(Don’t get ticked off, Deer… I do know that the skeeters don’t bring us the Lyme’s; they bring the ZIMA virus… but you’ve got to drink a BUNCH of them for that…)
Recently, somebody gave me a device that creates analogies. It’s called a “Meta.” But I don’t even know how to use it… I mean, what’s a Meta for?
So, lately a lot of hand-wringing and wailing has been done regarding horse deaths at Santa Anita’s horse racing track. Shocking numbers of deaths have been breathlessly reported as a result of this mysterious and spreading scourge… a 30th horse recently died there. Now, not that horse deaths are anything to just whimsically dismiss… I’m not saying that. But… are you aware that this last season had the FEWEST horse deaths in EIGHT YEARS? This recent season has been made out as though some horrible curse has suddenly befallen this track, some new threat, some mysterious horse killer has arisen. Only, there are ALWAYS a certain number of horse deaths. Sometimes, horses just die. ALL of them will, at some point. But this last season has apparently been one of the safest, least-lethal in many years. All this in spite of the media’s breathless reporting that seems to have been designed to confuse the filthy unwashed—that’s us—into believing something that isn’t true.
It almost makes me think…. Hmmm… “Fake media?”
Note also, that in spite of “30 horse deaths,” there has YET to be any mention of the original number from which this has occurred. I mean, how many horses were there AT Santa Anita? How many horses have “survived?” We need to know this if we are to have a true understanding of this “catastrophe.” Have 75 percent of horses there lost their lives? Ten Percent? Two-tenths of one percent? We, the filthy unwashed, have no idea… because the total number of horses involved has NEVER been reported.
Are you aware that yesterday 155,000 people died? I don’t even think this made the news, but 155,000 people croaked in ONE day! Shouldn’t we be in some sort of panic? This makes events like September 11, the Hindenburg, and Pearl Harbor pale by comparison! To make matters worse, it’s not slowing down… during the time you’ve taken to read this paragraph, to THIS point… nearly 30 more people have died from this whatever, this THING that’s making people die at the rate of ALMOST two per second! Oh, the mortality! Of course, this is out of 7 billion of ‘em, scattered all over the planet, but still… 155,000? Sure. It’s really not such a crisis once the broad scope is applied, and once we understand that this is a pretty typical day for The Reaper… nothin’ but a day, just another day.
So, without having any idea how many horses are NOT dying at Santa Anita, we simply have no perspective to determine whether or not “30 deaths in the last year” is a shocking sign of something bad… or if it’s a pretty good indicator that, as seems apparent now, they had the safest, healthiest, best results in EIGHT years!
There are lies, damn lies… and then there are statistics.
Are you aware that 44 percent of murderers report having “eaten at a restaurant” in the week prior to killing? It’s true. Perhaps we should eliminate restaurants… or, at a minimum, require patrons to be trained, certified, licensed… background checks and all. We need to have them documented!
Oh, and did you hear Elizabeth Warren’s new thing? She has announced a plan to provide reparations for members of the LGBTQ community. Now, opinions on the matter be damned… this column is not for that polarizing type of discussion. But… my question is, how in the hell are they going to determine who gets the benefits? Do ya just have to CLAIM to be gay? Would they make those waiting in line for their free stuff PROVE that they are non-binary? Or, would there need to be an actual licensing and registration program? Would members carry a card… or get a tattoo? How exactly, would this program weed out people who might want a little piece of that pie, but who aren’t REALLY, uh, card-carrying members of this group?
Did you know that on an IQ test I took a while back, I scored in the top 99.75 percent? Really… therefore, you must believe my every word, since a person in THAT great of a majority MUST be right… see? Those statistics… they just don’t lie. And neither do I!
I must make random mention of a movie I caught on Netflix last night: It’s called, “Big Kill.” If you like westerns, this’n right here’s a good one. It’s a modern movie (filmed in 2018), set in the wild, wild west, of course. I won’t say more, as spoilers seem to spoil the fun… just a recommendation from me to you… a shout-out for you to check it out!
Neigh, with unbridled optimism, we’ll get back in the saddle, and horse around some more tomorrow… but just a bit! Hi Ho Silver! Away!