Roads today… dull. Thrill-free. Safe. Borrrrrring. If there was some way to portray less than nothing in the danger department, I’d be expressing that sentiment.
Today is Elbe Day, also known as National East Meets West day. There’s a damn fine chance that you’ve never heard of either of these, and it’s likely that this is because we don’t get to take it off from work or school to BBQ hot dogs, drink beer, and watch Monster Trucks smash cars, as we do for OTHER days to honor military sacrifice.
Elbe day isn’t exactly about sacrifice, though. This day commemorates the time that the American forces in Germany had pushed far enough from the east to meet up with the Russian forces (they were our allies in WWII, for those who were unaware) who had pushed far enough from the west. The meeting of these two militaries meant that the Axis powers (those were the bad guys… Nazis) had now been split… and were on their way to defeat. This meeting of us and the Red Army is seen as a critical turning point in the way that we (the good guys) would eventually win.
Today, I remember my late brother. That guy was NEVER on time. Fortunately, he’s gotten a lot better about that, and now he’s nearly always on time… sometimes he’s even early, man!
Oh, today is also National Hug a Plumber day. What, do they think I’m on crack? Or that I want to be on crack?!?
A few days ago, I mentioned the recent acquisition of a new family member, a 24” rosy boa (Remember, the “ means inches, while the ‘ means feet… this one is not big enough to eat most people…). Well, yesterday, I delivered my first meal to this creature with the disarming personality. The “first feeding” of any snake is always a suspenseful thing: some snakes will eat… others will not. I’ve had many snakes in my care over the years that have simply been on hunger strikes, and had to be destroyed with swift, punishing strike from a shovel. No, I’m kidding… native snakes that don’t eat in captivity are simply released…
Anyhow, I dropped a mouse (R.I.P., Stuart Little) into the snaquarium, and waited… but not for long. Rosy boas are sort of unique among snakes in that (A) they simply don’t bite as a defense mechanism, ie, they won’t bite people, and (B) they are too slow to chase prey… all they can really do is sit around hoping for dinner to be delivered directly to their front face. This snake sensed that Uber Eats, Mouse Division, had made a delivery, and the snake prepared by opening its mouth, stretching its jaws from side to side (along with a menacing head tilt, like a prize-fighter preparing to crack somebody’s skull open), and waited. When the mouse came within dinner-distance, BLAMMO! Rodent refreshments were served!
I had another snake a couple of years ago, one that was also a “good eater.” When a mouse was placed into the snake house, the dining process commenced within seconds. I even tried actually holding the mouse in my hand, to see if the snake would snatch it from my very fingers. It did. Yikes. That was a bucket list thrill… did me no harm, but wow… one time was good enough for me.
Okay, one more random thing for today, in my effort to have words ‘n’ stuff so that my editor will glance at the column and think I’m actually providing relevant road intel. There’s a specie of shrimp, recently discovered, that kills fish with nothing more than a loud sound. I presume it works in sort of the same way that “dynamite fishing” works. This little shrimp, known as synalpheus pinkfloydi, or the Pink Floyd pistol shrimp, kills its prey by snapping its giant pink claw shut, resulting in a sound of 210+ decibels… nearly double the decibel rating of an actual Pink Floyd concert! For further comparison, consider that a .44 magnum revolver is rated at 164 db (when fired… the rest of the time they are mostly rated at zero db).
Clearly, the shrimp was so named because of (A) its giant pink claw, and (B) because it is LAF (Loud As Hell). You may think that the whole Pink Floyd pistol shrimp is some weird thing that I just made up, but it isn’t. The whole idea of a Pink Floyd pistol shrimp is even too bizarre for me to make up. Check it out for yourself… the thing is real.
No word on whether or not you can bring one home for your aquarium (would you keep one in fresh waters… or ROGER Waters?). You probably wouldn’t want it to room with any of your prize tropical fish, and my suspicion is that this shrimp probably does glass aquariums like a rock star does hotel rooms.
Okay, if you are a fish, watch out for shrimp. If you are a mouse, watch out for snakes. If you are driver, well, congratulations… you are the one of three that has it easy. Plus, Friday is right around the next turn of midnight… I’ll see you on that day!