Good morning… and welcome to Monday! Wait… sorry, Maundy! Oops, whoa… didn’t mean to frighten anybody (of course I really did, but for legal reasons, I have to put that little fake apology in there). It’s actually Maundy Thursday, or Holy Thursday. It’s part of the sequence of days that are part of the whole Easter weekend that’s coming up on us. More on that later.
Roads: No news. I got nothin’ here, my friends, ‘cept for dry… clear… mild temps… no chain control… rock-free… just stab it and steer. You just barely even need to be awake to navigate the route today.
Everybody is breathlessly anticipating the release of the 400-page Smollett Report today… evidence of collusion has been dacted, re-dacted, even multi-dacted, and Kim “Jamie” Foxx has seen fit to drop all charges. However, Max Waters is drawing up impeachment papers right now, as she takes a short break from corruption, theft, graft, scandal, and violating ethics. Attorney, “General Barr” has shown that Russians have deluded with Smollett in a united effort to make sure that America is NOT great again, because, clearly, lots of people are exceedingly opposed to this idea.
I was recently watching a television show and a character was asked to perform some mildly unpleasant and slightly difficult task. He responded by saying, “Sorry… that’s not exactly my forte.” Only, he pronounced the last word as, “fort,” NOT as, “for-tay,” like he obviously should have.
My lightning-fast grammar-police instincts kicked in, and as I was about to smugly announce to Mrs. Kdog my prize catch of a million-dollar actor who ain’t gots no grammars, the continuing on-screen conversation revealed that this was a very intentional, SCRIPTED pronunciation. The guy’s companion asked, “Uh, don’t you mean, ‘for-tay?”
“No! It’s fort! Just fort!”
Well, a friendly argument ensued, followed by a wager, before the dictionary was invoked. “Bam! Right there… FORT!”
The proponent of ‘for-tay’ looked to see if she was being lied to, but alas, had to sheepishly pony up $20 as the loser of said wager.
This, of course, got me into “prove ‘em wrong” mode, so I whipped out a REAL dictionary (as opposed to the TV-prop they’d obviously used). Dang it… it seemed that my own dictionary was wrong, too… it gives the pronunciation of, “forte,” as, “fort.”
However… OTHER dictionaries offer multiple acceptable ways to pronounce this word, all when used in the context of being one’s strong point. Most of the definitions lean towards “fort,” suggesting the single-syllable as being the MOST-correct pronunciation, but typically mention that common usage seems to also accept it as a two-syllable word.
Merriam-Webster’s definition includes both versions of pronunciation, but actually includes this note: “… take your choice, knowing that someone somewhere will dislike whichever variant you choose.”
Whatever the case, I’m going to take this whole debate one step too far, I’m sure, and the next time I can get one of my kids to pull my finger, I’ll explain that it was just a “farte….” With two syllables. I’m pretty sure this will make me seem French, and WAY more sophisticated.
So, a family I know has a renter who boards in their house, but it feels slightly intrusive to the family, since the renter has access to the whole house. Of course, they simply need to put up a boarder wall.
Today is National Columnist’s Day, and it is ALSO National Lineman Appreciation day. That seems redundant to me… plus, it says the same thing twice.
It’s National High Five day, too… but man, that just seems like so much work—in addition to being unsanitary and unhygienic—when compared to the subject of my own crusade, which is promoting the fist bump as a recognized form of greeting, instead of filthy, germ-spreading handshakes and high-fives. Clearly, you know me to be a wild rebel, and today, I’m taking it to new heights. Will I celebrate National High Five day? Hells yes… with freakin’ fist bumps! Howya like THEM apples?!?
Okay, so I mentioned that today is Maundy Thursday… which means that tomorrow is Good Friday! I suppose it’s good because it’s Friday, and even gooder for those who don’t have to go to work on that day, but it’s always seemed odd to me that the day that commemorates the crucifixion of Jesus is called, “Good.” But, at least on Easter, a couple of days later, the resurrection is properly observed with people in giant bunny costumes, marshmallow peeps, plastic green grass in baskets of candy, and chocolate. Nothing says that we recognize the impact of Christ’s resurrection better than a commercial candy campaign!
That’s all that’s fit to post, folks… I know, because this is my fort. Forte. For-tayyyy…