Spoiler alert: today’s morning matinee is a double feature. We’ve got Rain, Man… followed by the Rolling Stones in, “The Road.”
Crestline temps are balmy enough to have avoided snow and ice… however, a little bird, a penguin to be specific, told me that higher elevations got snow last night. Plus, I saw a few vehicles on my commute that had substantial accumulations of snow on them. Anyhow, Crestline is wet, with rain still falling.
The rain seems to be keeping the fog at bay, but it’s inviting rocks to hit the road. Highways 138 and 18, from Crestline and down, are, again, ice-free, but littered with rocks. Let your EYES be the rock detectors this morning, instead of leaving that duty to your tires, your oil pans, your chin spoilers (see what I did there?!?), and your mufflers (unless yours was already dragging and you needed to have it removed anyhow; in that case, fine, hit ‘em hard). I recommend left-lane driving today (on the FOUR-lane sections of highway… not on any of the two-lane sections, please. Yes, I have to say that because SOME joker will surely take it literally for the wrong section of road).
Fog is non-existent for Crestline and below, though, so there’s that. Sorry, this morning’s route did not take me any higher than 5,000 feet, so I cannot testify as to visibility conditions above that. No matter where you are coming from, though, at least you know now that there’s no fog and no ice from Crestline down… just freakin’ rocks everywhere.
Today is IHOP’s National Free Pancake day. What this means is that you should go to Denny’s instead, and stay as far as possible from any IHOP, unless you are one of the eleventy billion people who think that waiting for three hours to get a measly flapjack for free—BIG SAVINGS THERE!—is a great idea. Try calculating your dollars-per-hour rate… go on… you’ll have time! While “free” is one of my favorite prices, it’s NOT when it comes at the opportunity cost of losing the time that COULD be spent eating shards of broken glass, gouging my eyeballs out with a melon-baller, or taking selfies with a jaguar by jumping the barrier at the zoo (yep… some Darwin candidate did that the other day. The cat gave the vain vamp a bitch-slap from hell, which put Einstein in the hospital, but she’ll live… to walk among us).
Okay, the next few days have a lot of things we need to cover, so we’ll get a jump on some of the important stuff… a little ahead of time. Like… beware the ides of March! Those were the words written by William Shatner in his classic, “Romeo Loves Julius.” “Ides” seems to have been a typo, since nobody knows what “ides” really are, but this weekend, the 15th to be specific, just watch out. Judas might cut off your ear, or Rapunzel might disappoint your hair. Some say that Brutus is a concern, but, uh, he’s a cartoon character… hello! Geez… people need to demonstrate a little better knowledge of Greek literature, or else they’ll just come off looking stupid.
Pie Day is approaching, too. Encircling the circumference of the globe, segments of society in areas everywhere (not just certain sectors) observe the day with radiant celebrations. Not to go off on any wild tangent here, but my angle SHOULD strike a chord with nerds who recognize that the date 03/14 could be seen to correspond with the numerals found in the infinitely long number known as “Pi.” It’s a little radical, but it’s true: I won’t secant my testimony… arc Constitution allows me to do so. Check any Pi chart for proof. That may sound a little obtuse, but I know it’s right. Come on… don’t have a corollary. There’s no reason for this sphere.
Pi is 3.14159-something… I’ve heard that one guy calculated it out to 32 billion digits. Really. I have no idea how this was done, probably because my geometry skills have been in decline since June 3, 1987. Maybe the guy drew a circle, and measured. Or… maybe he made it up, because, come on, who’s going to “check his work”? Know what I’m saying? Heck, I’ll bet I could do a hundred billion digits. Go ahead… prove me wrong, at least for the last few billion digits. In fact, I’m declaring it now: I have figured it out to 100 billion digits. It’s all in my head, because, obviously, there’s no place to write a number that big, but if you ask me, I’ll say the digits until we both get tired and you agree that I should get into the Guinness Book of World Records, go on Oprah, and get a movie deal. I want to make Carl Sagan, Neil deGrasse Tyson, and Stephen Hawking do push-ups at my command (sorry… still too soon?). Plus, I want a selfie with a jaguar.
That’s all I’ve got, folks… but be sure to bring your sharpened #2 pencils tomorrow, too, because we’ve got more stuff to cover pre-emptively… Like why we’re getting hosed for Easter this March. Yep, you read right: no Easter this March. I’ll tell you why on tomorrow’s exciting episode of, “Kdog’s Daily Report.”