Good morning, readers and riders! First, business: the drive is easy today. It’s stupid-warm out there… I never saw any temps this morning below 40 degrees. That means no snow, no ice, nothing frozen. Wet, yes… very wet. But there’s no ice.
Fog is light through the Narrows and down to about 3,000 feet. As you drive along, there might be a couple of times when you say to yourself, “Wait just a second here… this ALMOST seems MODERATE, not just light… !” But, then, a second later, you’ll go, “Oh, wait, I guess it’s still light. I don’t know what I was thinking. Of course Kdog was right.” So, no big on the fog factor, really. It shouldn’t even slow you down much.
Rocks WILL fall today… but the roads are being kept clear thanks to diligent patrolling by CalTrans… big thanks to those rockplow drivers! In any case, keep an eye out as you drive, especially through the Narrows, as rocks can fall at any time, even moments after the plow has gone by. Note too, that over the course of days of rain, the soil becomes looser and looser, and rocks will fall with greater frequency. Given the recent rain, and the rain to come, we can expect more rocks in the next few days.
Speaking of rain: indeed it is that-ing. Rain is sort of light to medium this morning, but the National Weather Service alert that showed up on my Smart Car’s display today said something about advising Southern California residents to build boats of gopher wood, 300 cubits by 50 cubits by 30 cubits, and to gather at least one mating pair of every animal that they can, because the next day or two are going to be epic. We shall see.
Today is, “National Fig Newton Day.” Fig was the brother of Isaac, who, as we all know, invented gravity. Without it, we’d have no fear of the bathroom scale, so I’m not so sure that Isaac was the good brother. Plus, wasn’t he the guy who used a bow and arrow to shoot apples out of trees, and make them land on peoples’ heads? Maybe that wasn’t the same guy… I guess only time Will Tell. Anyway, Fig invented the delicious cookie type thing that has figs inside of it. Eat a few of them, and your energy levels will increase (obviously, this is why physicists call the newton a derived unit of force, sort of like energy).
Say, here’s your trivia for the day: You’ve heard of turbochargers, and you’ve heard of superchargers. But… is there a difference? Both are basically mechanical devices that force extra air into an engine, allowing it to burn more fuel, increasing the energy produced. The difference between the two devices is that a turbocharger is powered by the exhaust gasses coming out of the engine (thus, the engine must be forcing exhaust out before the turbocharger is really doing its job… this is why “turbo lag” exists), while a supercharger is driven by a belt, just like the other components on a car. The supercharger is thus a little more “ready” at a moment’s notice, since the engine is already powering it… at all times.
Oh, a little more trivia, since we mentioned that engines must have air in order to burn fuel: Some engines use a LOT of air. Take the Dodge Hellcat Redeye. At full throttle, the Redeye burns 1.5 gallons of gasoline per minute. Thus, it requires a lot of air to do so… to burn that much fuel, that fast, it requires 1,134 cubic feet of air per minute (the size of a small bedroom)… in one second, it burns as much air as 89 adults simultaneously emptying their lungs. In fact, if you have the pleasure of spotting one of these beasts in the wild (or any Hellcat Challenger, not JUST the Redeye), take a close look at the four headlights. One of them (on the driver’s side) is not a headlight, but is a cleverly disguised air intake vent… one of many air intakes the engine requires. Don’t get too close, though… it might just suck you right in, and there might not even be any other air remaining around there anyhow. It’s just dangerous to even be near one of those things. And, it’s ESPECIALLY dangerous if you are actually INSIDE one of ‘em.
Headline news a couple of days ago was about some woman who has been banned from WalMart. Police were summoned, in response to reports of a woman who had been riding around the WalMart parking lot in one of the battery-powered scooter things, drinking wine out of a Pringles can. Now, that story just sort of writes itself for a Kdog report, but I gotta know more! Like, did she take the Pringles out of the can first? Is a Pringles can actually able to sustain liquid… and if so, will I ditch red solo cups in favor of this new device for my next party? (Uhhh, answer: Hells yes, of course. Duh.) Didn’t the battery on the cart run down… did she swap that thing out a few times in order to run all morning? What sequence of events, both long term and short term, led to this point in her life? Was it Kathy Griffin? Can we start a new “thing”— “How I was banned from WalMart”? So many questions… but at least we have something better to drink wine out of now, instead of those Del Taco cups we’ve been using for so long.
I’ve renamed my toilet. I used to call it the “John,” but have decided that “Jim” is a better name. That way, it sounds a lot better when I say that I go to the Jim first thing in the morning.
I went into Game Stop the other day to return a game. The little twit behind the counter kept calling me, “sir,” which really enraged me. Clearly, I identify as an attack helicopter, and prefer to be addressed as “whirlybird,” or even “rotorcraft.” Only a bigot or a heliphobe would be unwilling to accept that, or even to recognize my obvious transformation. Geez. I knocked over one of the displays (using one of my best autorotation moves) and now the video has gone viral. Oh, well…. I’ll just write a song about the pain and the suffering that I endure. Or, just send me some money and we’ll pretend that I did the song thing, since, really, that’s all I actually want. Oh, that and also to be outraged. And oppressed. And really offended. So I can clap back, throw shade and maybe even break the Internet.
That’s a wrap, folks. Off to buy a can of Pringles, empty it, and line it with a plastic baggie (I’m still not convinced that the can alone will hold wine without leaking). Don’t forget to address me as “rotorcraft” from here on, too, if you happen to see me racing through the parking lot at top speed, in my WalMart Cart Redeye, on my way to the Jim.