By Dr. Jane Guttman
Accept everything about yourself — I mean everything, You are you and that is the beginning and the end — no apologies, no regrets. -Clark Moustakas
Benevolence and no bashing. Golan Shahar, Ph.D., discusses the malignant path of self-criticism, and its menacing consequences in a Psychology Today issue. The bashing that we all have experienced in our quest to be better versions of ourselves routinely backfires. We don’t become better because we are hard on ourselves, we become our most exquisite version through the path of self-love and self-benevolence.
Self-disrespect grows like an unchecked cancer, seeding toxins everywhere. Unhindered it lowers our vibration and dims our spirit. We are less than who we are and who we came here to be. A faded self. An eroded spirit. Although you may have forgiveness work to do, you do not need to apologize for being you.
The path of self-criticism takes us down the road to mental and physical illness. We don’t reach optimal health or our greatness on that bumpy path of thorns and sticks and moldy memories. Becoming our most potent self is realized when we soften our hearts and find the gems within. Applying self-love as an anecdote to self-loathing is the ultimate medicine to bringing us back on course, home to our authentic self. My primary teachers in this regard, over five decades ago, included Sid Simon, Carl Rogers, and Clark Moustakas. And, of course, my students. Their intuitive selves fell in love with the idea that loving self was something not just okay to do, but mandatory.
Sidney Simon, Professor Emeritus at the University of Massachusetts, became a lifelong mentor of mine as part of the Humanistic Education movement that he taught and lived. As a novice teacher, I learned the art of validation and respect, and watched my highly at-risk, at-promise students transform in front of my eyes. Now almost five decades later, they still recall the power of a benevolent message to self. Along with the curriculum of Psychology and Social Science that I taught, we all learned to honor self, to explore the magnificent gifts within each heart and mind, and to stand ready to discard all the negative thoughts, phrases and verbal debris that waited in the wings of a critical voice, a critical memory or a critical lineage. To allow the kinder voice of acceptance to see all aspects of self as a tapestry of our unique design. A sketch of light and shadows that merge into our very own phenomenal being. A canvas of compassion for all that we are. Including no regrets.
I love that I chose my mentors. They all were in some way connected to humanistic method. Positivity, respect, love. When I saw how Carl Rogers listened and through that loving lens changed lives, I was enthralled. I practiced that form of engaged listening and was witness to deep stories emerging from the depth of hearts and souls. Decades later, after a very long immersion into the culture of humanism I went to work at juvenile hall, teaching kids who experienced untold pain and limited listening. The administrator told me that I had to be careful not to be overly zealous with humanism as there was much more to effective teaching and learning. Ten years later, he recanted, telling me the evidence was in and the most important part of education is relationship. That loving presence we bring to our students in their quest for mastering a destiny.
Clark Moustakas said for us to accept everything about ourselves. Everything. The perceived flaws are part of the heritage of self. One of his lifelong colleagues, Dr. Diane Blau has said in ‘Being With Clark Moustakas:’
I enter his office filled with a keen sense of anticipation. I have been invited here, all of me. I know there is a dedicated space prepared for me, ready for whatever I bring. I sit and feel his gentle and vital presence, his soft gaze, and a leaning in, a patient waiting. There is a range of possibility open to me: an exploration of self. Then and there, whatever I say, whoever I am will be accepted and respected. For a second I feel carried away, or rather into the moment and I feel free to sit silently, to ponder, to look inward, to speak.
Dr. Blau continues, “If I burst with exuberance, we grasp hands and dance with joy; if sadness spills forth, he sheds tears with me. If outraged, he shares the injustice. We adventure together into places unknown; we find the life thread of my creativity. I feel valued and clarify my own values. I feel empowered and tap my own potency. He honors me with reverence; I celebrate my uniqueness. (Diane Blau)
The dance of love is the only dance. If you get out on the dance floor leave your perceived shortcomings at home. Discard their venom and welcome their teachings. If you’re dancing solo, sway to the music of your heart as the harmony lifts you higher and higher to your vision of self as a loving, gifted, grateful, tender, wise, courageous being. If you are dancing with another, take a hand and look deeply into the eyes of your dance partner with the same reverence that Clark Moustakas offered to Diane Blau and every other. Honor self and other with reverence. Every time I enter a teaching venue, at the prison, at the recovery program, at a wellness workshop, or a casual encounter in the market, others are honored with reverence. I learned that five decades ago and have seen its gift unfold a thousand times over. Each reverent response carries us to our own divinity and grace. There are no missteps in the dance of love. Each move hastens healing. You are you and that is the beginning and the ending. (Moustakas)
All guidance is educational and not given as medical advice or treatment., nor is it meant to take the place of qualified medical professionals. Please check with your physician for all medical concerns.
Jane Guttman is a bio-energetic practitioner, workshop presenter, educator, retired holistic chiropractor, Life-Wellness doula, and practices focused hearing. Her practice includes Soul Sound, energetic tapping, writing for wellness, memory release, pet hospice care, and crystal well-being. Her process invites deep reflection, self-love, and well-being; her healing work invites the presence of inner peace, an essential energy to sustain wellness and wholeness. Her work with focused hearing and intuitive guidance have helped many to redirect their lives. Jane’s process has evolved over thirty years of study/practice with the late Dr. M.T. Morter, D.C. and the late Dr. Lucille Edwards, an eminent and recognized metaphysical healer, clairvoyant and energy healer. Jane is committed to assisting people and pets of all ages in attaining wellness goals.
Educational and Related Services: (Non-medical) Crystal Well Being – EFT Tapping – Emotive Memory Release – Energetic Balancing – Intuitive Guidance/Focused Hearing – Pet Well-Being – Sound Healing – Wellness Doula – Writing for Wellness.
Contact Info: Drjane4wellness@gmail.com (909)436-9500