What a disappointment! I was hoping that today’s ride would be fraught with epic, Armageddonly, perilous danger and risk! However, the very most catastrophic adversity to report this morning is that the roads are a little wet… Pfffffttt!!! Talk about piddlin’! Okay, there’s a a little bit of fog, too… but it’s never worse than moderate: you’ll easily breeze through the Narrows at 30- 35 MPH (but keep your foot hovering over the brake pedal, in case you encounter a rock or ten that have made their way onto the roadway), and along the four-lane sections of Highway 18, 50-60 MPH won’t be treacherous. The fog doesn’t go much below Upper Waterman Canyon Road’s exit, and once you drop through that floor, you can open it up, let ‘er rip, blow everyone else away. No, I did not mean to commit a “fragrant violation” of the car interior atmosphere code… I mean, you can drive a little faster. Geez. You and your notion that I’m always making fart jokes.
Oh, ice: I couldn’t find any, anywhere, at all, nada, zilch, nada again, nothing. It’s relatively warm out there, at least in the Crestline area, with temps close to 40 degrees. Also, rain is keeping any attempted ice at bay. Even the places that seemed very likely to provide rink-like conditions had nothing for me… nothing but wet.
Rocks are a likely thing today, but on my drive, I saw none. There are at least two CalTrans rockplows working the highway this morning, and are apparently doing a damn fine job of keeping those roads barren of boulders and clear of crags.
Down on the flat spots, roads are actually dry… most of my ride along the 210 was on dusty, dry roadway… that should give you an idea of how little precipitation has fallen recently. Now, no stars are visible, so we do have some cloud cover… and, the weather prognosticators continue to warn that we’ve got storms lined up, waiting in line, each holding one of those little ticket-number tabs, waiting to dump bucketloads of winter all over us… we shall see.
So, how ’bout that new broom they’re selling? It’s sweeping the nation! And, shoppers are simply beside themselves, trying to get their hands on that new cloning kit. Meanwhile, that new corduroy pillow is making headlines all over the place!
I commute most days… I’m not sure if everybody does this, but every single morning, I get out of Dodge. That’s generally about 40 minutes after I’ve gotten into Dodge, and driven around for a while, in Dodge.
A bear walked into a diner. He went to the counter and said, “Give me a grilled………………………………………………………………………………………..cheese.”
The cook gave the bear a look, and asked, “Hey, what’s with the pause?”
The bear replied, “Come on… I’m a freakin’ BEAR!”
So, scandalous news: Duane “The Rock” Johnson is catching hell for saying that “Generation Snowflake” people are perpetually offended… and do little else other than seek out reasons to be offended. Well, the interview, printed in a British tabloid called, “The Daily Star,” turns out to be entirely fabricated. The Rock himself has responded to complaints (from, uh, members of Generation Snowflake, who were offended by the comments) by asserting that not only did he NOT say those things, but he never even had any interview with this publication… at all! Imagine… a journalist of today completely making up facts… like fake news!
I’m pretty sure that the reason I have been given both Pulitzer AND Nobel Peace prizes (which are proudly displayed next to my Emmies, Grammies… and Whammies, Blammies and Hammies) is because of my journalistic integrity. I hardly EVER fake interviews. Donald Trump even said that my interview style was among the best he’d seen, and was hoping that I could take over for Jim Acosta. You see, keeping it TRUTHFUL is what good journalism is all about… my awards are NOT just because I’m built like Adonis, or because I drive a Ferrari, or because my IQ is (easily) 300+… it’s due to my journalistic integrity… heck, not even EXAGGERATING, even after millions of stories written.
I read about the new electric motorcycle that Harley-Davidson will be selling. Journalists for motorcycle-related magazines and websites have been given test rides… on a simulator. Wait… what? Yup… the reviews that have been written are based on observations from sitting on a stationary bike and wearing a virtual reality headset that TELLS them how fast they “are going,” and how much noise the bike makes (or doesn’t make), how it corners, how it accelerates, and so forth. Now, simulators certainly have useful applications in some contexts: For example, they are a great place to learn how to fly an airplane, without actually turning a whole bunch of airplanes into scrap metal. But to review a bike, based upon how a computer is programmed to TELL you how it is? That’s like a restaurant review, without actually TASTING the food, but only having the chef DESCRIBE how it tastes. Or, a movie review, based upon OTHER movie reviews. Or, a book review based upon the cover art… I simply don’t understand. It really seems a LOT like the emperor’s new clothes…
So, the brunette asked: “Where were you born?”
The blonde responded, “In the United States.”
Brunette: “Which part?”
Blonde: “Oh, my whole body.”
Trivia: Did you know that just ONE amanita phalloides mushroom can feed you for the rest of your life? It’s not that these things are particularly big, but it should be noted that the common name for them is, “death cap” mushroom.
That’s it for Tuesday’s larkificationisms. Don’t make up words, don’t make up stories, and don’t eat death cap mushrooms… let me tell you, they taste awful.