Okay, the road report is going into high gear today… there’s something to report!
There are wisps of some foggy- looking, vaporish- something in the ether near the bottom of the hill! It’s not heavy, not moderate… more like, “Can’t tell… do I need to clean my windshield?” However, it COULD drift over near the roadway, and reduce visibility to maybe 15 miles or so. Crank up the ol’ fog lights, just to be on the safe side, and, obviously, duh, to look cool.
There! See how it eventually totally paid off to read this column, persistently and consistently, day in, day out, for months at a time? You waited, and you waited… and I told you that someday… SOMEday, it was really going to be worth its wait in gold! Other than the light wisps of faint mist that might drift towards the roadway, there’s really nothing else to warn you about. No rain, no animals, no wrecks, no ice. Chain control is NOT in effect, so chaining is entirely optional today, though not recommended. (Newbs: That was a joke. Please do not chain up, not today… even if you totally feel like it. Seriously… don’t chain. Well, unless you really want to be safe, that is… )
I’m feeling vindicated today: A study has shown that many people experience a condition known as, “Phantom Smell Perception,” or, “PSP.” And, the real vindication comes from the announcement that this occurs in females at a much higher rate than in males. I’ve been saying this for years! You have no idea how often I can be sitting on the couch, and I make some sort of little tiny sound, and suddenly, the female that I share a house with announces that she perceives some sort of, “smell!” My denials are met with declarations of absolute certainty, along with words like, “rotten,” “death,” and, “not very classy, putrid stench- boy.” Or, we can be driving along in the car, and all I have to do is shift my position a little, perhaps holding an awkward- looking pose for a few seconds, and, “BAM!” Here come the PSP accusations again. Luckily, science has come to my rescue today… I’m inflatuated with the results, even if it’s taken fart oo long for them to break wind of this cheese- cutting- edge discovery.
Oh, today is, “National Math Stories Day.” Seriously. Some of these, “national days” seem to be just random words placed together. Math stories? Sounds exciting… not. I guess the only math story that comes to mind is the time I was at a department store with a friend of mine… a fella known for not being super proximate to the “genius” end of the spectrum. We saw a little sign posted at the checkstand that promised to “take 5% off of today’s purchase,” just for applying for a store credit card. My buddy said, “Man! I need to do that! 5% is usually about, like, $10, and these sunglasses I’m getting are only $10! So I can just get these for free!” Yup… ‘cause 5% usually IS about $10.
I guess there is the math story of the talking sheepdog, who gathered up all of the farmer’s sheep, and got them into the pen. After doing so, he reported back to the farmer: “All 100 sheep accounted for,” he said. The farmer replied, “But, I only own 96 sheep…” The sheepdog said, “Oh, I know, but I rounded them up.”
So, tune in tomorrow… and keep your fingers crossed as we hope for more exciting road hazards to occur! Let’s hope they add up… nay, that they MULTIPLY, so equal time can be devoted to negative and positive topics, as we arithmeticulously and mathodically cover all of the factors to integral to your commute. It’s not hyperbola… it’s logic and justification!