Roads are clear today… no obstacles to trip you up. It’s another stab- it- and- steer day, without rocks or snow or deer or ice or crashes or hurricanes or scandals or anything to trepidate your trajectory. Just go… oh, except for the part about how CalTrans will probably be doing some temporary lane closures on Highway 18 today, and there will be 120 trucks hauling dirt going up and down, too.
That said, consider taking Highway 138 out to Cajon Pass… the road straightening project is ALMOST complete (there’s still ONE curve left that needs a little “shaking out”). It’s really quite remarkable… the stretch from the country store to Interstate 15, which used to be five to ten minutes of slow crawling on a snaking twist of trail is now high speed, high gear, high way… takes about a minute to go through that whole stretch. Give it shot sometime… but do remember to slow down for that ONE last curve.
So, I finally figured out a way to put Crestline on the map: We need to start something, and I’ve got just the plan. Social Justice Warriors unite, as I present the new group: Antifu!
“Antifu” is short for “antifungal.” We’re opposed to fungus. We’ll also demonstrate our opposition to violence, by beating the crap out of anybody who doesn’t like what we stand for. We’ll force anybody who does not agree with our position on free speech to shut the hell up, or else. We’ll wear black hoods (called, “death caps!”), and we’ll force people to be opposed to fungus of all types, in order to show how terrible it is to force people to do stuff.
Say… do you know what they call a mushroom that buys you beers? A fungi to go out with!
Antifu will be there to demonstrate… and we’ll use any tools at our disposal… even Toad’s tools, if necessary. But, the morel of the story it that it spore form to mold peoples’ opinions stemming from slimy methods… it’s far more convex than that. Even athletes know that itch wrong, especially when there’s not mush room left for new ideas to grow.
Okay, enough of the whole fungus routine… on to important stuff. I hear that Florence has spawned some tornadoes out there on the East Coast. Some have been large enough to become ‘named’ tornadoes: There’s Marcia, Jan, Cindy, Bobby, Peter, and Greg. Plus, apparently, Florence is experiencing some sort of menopausal thing, and is now experiencing major tropical depression. Some of that might be because of ol’ Mike’s announcement that he wasn’t really into the whole, “married to a woman” thing. He couldn’t even look her in the eye after that.
Five people were arrested for looting during this storm, too… I kid you not, they were looting a Dollar Store. And, actually, it’s genius: How could they NOT all claim insanity? Unless one can claim “stupidity,” or “whatthehellery” in North Carolina, because… Dollar Store? Really?
On the other hand, this true news item, from our very own California: Last week, a teenager in Santa Barbara found a purse… it contained $10,000…. Cash. The kid contacted police, and the police returned the purse to its rightful owner. There’s nothing hilarious about this story (as you’ve obviously come to expect from this column), just wanted to point out that there are good people in the world (even teenagers!)… this gives me hope for our future. This kid is what is RIGHT with America!
Okay, one more thing… back to mushrooms: Did you hear about this conversation? The broccoli said, “I look like a tree!” The walnut said, “I look like a brain!” The mushroom said, “I look like an umbrella!” The banana said, “Can we not talk about this?”