Roads are clear, my friends… nothing of note to negate your navigational nonchalance. Put the car in a gear or two below top, ride it down, and just steer whenever there’s a curve. Easy stuff.
Wednesday (that’s today) marks the middle of the week. A lot of people call this, “Hump Day,” but I’ve always found this to be highly inappropriate. We do not need to know what people do in their personal time… not like that.
Wait… maybe it’s about CAMELS. I once knew a camel that had no hump… his name was Humphrey. He could be difficult to find, though… he had excellent camelflouge.
But, maybe the middle of the week could be celebrated in other ways? Maybe with a drink or two? Here are a few new ones to try out… I hear these are very trendy right now. How ‘bout the, “Blood Clot?” It’s made with vodka, tomato juice, and Jell-O. Maybe try the, “Blind Faith?” Made with rubbing alcohol and holy water. Or the Sinead O’Connor: It’s just Irish whisky and Nair.
Okay… please don’t try any of those. I’m not a bartender, nor will I ever be. Apparently, when I tried to be one, I had no idea that, “fatality rate” was not one of the evaluation scoring items that had, “poor, good, better, best” types of scores, but is more of a pass/ fail thing. With a fatality rate of ABOUT 10%, I figured I was good. Apparently not, as I lost my license to practice as a boozician.
Did you hear about the hole in the International Space Station? No joke… a few days ago, the spacecraft began losing pressure. Not a lot, and the loss was slow, so they had time to hunt the problem down and fix it (with duct tape… another, “no joke”) before any of the outer space leaked in, but sure enough: There was a hole. At first they assumed that it had been caused by a little piece of meteorite that happened to collide with the craft… however, NOW they are saying that the hole was actually intentionally created! Theories are wide- ranging, including the possibility that one of the humans aboard the craft may have actually drilled the hole, using power tools. Wow… that’s gotta cause a little suspicion and tension among crew members of the Intentional Deflation Situation Station. My own personal theory, is that it was one of the, “Crazy Rich Aliens.”
There was a headline yesterday, that read: “Video Shows Woman Leading Police on 100 MPH Chase Before Fleeing Car Carrying Baby.” Holy smokes… if I saw a baby that could carry a car, I’d probably flee too. That would freak me out even more than a mysterious hole in my aircraft.
Well, it’s a slow news day, folks. And maybe it’s a little early for this, but maybe I just need a drink to get the juices flowing. I think I’ll go mix up a, “Phillip’s Screwdriver:” Vodka, orange juice, and milk of magnesia. Once I get all loosened up, more camel jokes may even come to mind: Say… What do you call 144 camels in a blender?
Gross!
You are welcome.