Traffic and roads are fine today… in fact, those smooth stretches of Hwy. 18 are getting better and more frequent all the time. I could sure get used to the idea of the whole Hwy. 18 commute segment being that way!
I’ve mocked the worthlessness of radio traffic reports a number of times… today the radio dutifully reported that the 210 westbound at Riverside Avenue was just a standstill due to an accident… because a “car went down over the embankment ahead.” (I’m not so sure that any car CAN go “down over the embankment” there, since the freeway along there is recessed, below ground level, for many miles). In any case, they’ll be “reporting” that problem for the next 30 hours, but believe me… there’s nothing going on. Traffic is wide open, due to no accidents.
But…something sinister is afoot today… or abreast… or ahand, I guess. … it is National Left- Hander’s Day! And, this here southpaw thinks this is all right!
Today, left- hand dominance… tomorrow, WORLD domination! (MmWWWWooooooo— haha…. Mwooo-HHAHHHAHHHAAAAA!). If I’m right, we can do this. Wait… dang it… I’m not right… I’m left. A sinister south- paw…. Nobody knows what I’m gonna pull next. Heck, most days only 50% of the letters I type come from my left hand… today, we’re tipping the scales: qazxswedc. There… That should throw the ratio off… world domination for us lefties!
Now, to be clear, at the risk of sounding political, not all things left are favorable. I AM a big fan of Nancy Pelosi… but only because she’s the gift that keeps on giving to the Right. Leftovers? Not always the greatest… especially French Fries (WTH? Why can’t we just microwave leftover French Fries, and not end up with those inedible strips of tough spud DNA that fails to satisfy?). Oh, and getting left behind is usually a bummer, unless it’s for the inaugural piloting of certain planes out of SeaTac Airport.
Now, it appears that us lefties have a pretty good case for claiming unjust oppression… I looked up synonyms for “left- handed” and found, “clumsy,” “awkward,” and “insincere.” Really. It says that. However, I will promise on my grandmother’s grave that we are noft inslincere or clumsyy or awkarnd.
Other things left are fine… take NASCAR. Those guys always turn left.
Now, about 15% of Americans are left- handed… however, I understand that about 20% of the members of MENSA are left- handed. Go do that math (or, have a left- handed person do it for you… hey, okay, that was a little joke at the expense of righties, but today is a day for LEFTIES, and I need to prepare you for our whole world domination thing. The joke was only made out of COMPASSION… by preparing you for the next step).
A while back, Burger King offered a “Left- Handed Whopper.” The burger was designed with the same ingredients as those used in the “regular” Whopper, only, the condiments had been rotated 180 degrees to accommodate lefties. Apparently, thousands of customers really, truly requested the Left- Handed Whopper, but even MORE people requested that their burger be the regular, RIGHT- HANDED version.
I designed a left- handed hammer a few years ago… thought I’d make my fortune with that thing, but it turns out, there are no left- handed nails available.
One more thing, in order to beat this left- handed/ dead horse all the way to death: 1234rfv!!!