Good morning, folks… it is with great sadness that I must announce that today may be the last day that you read this column. Oh, I’ll still write it every weekday… but today the Magic Eight Ball says that it’s, “Bad Joke Day,” and some of them are so bad that it’s likely that some readers will simply choose never to defile themselves by viewing this column again. To you, I apologize… it’s been a great ride. Just like today’s commute, BTW… a great ride. Nothing to report… Maytag repairman style, I simply have none of the work I was hired to do, so instead of reporting on hazardous road conditions, today, you get bad jokes.
I got these bad jokes off of Forrest Gump’s computer… I figured out his password! It was, “1Forrest1.” I know, it’s probably not right to hack into his computer, but I won’t be like that with you. Of course, there’s a certain pepper that might try to hack you: it’ll get all jalepeno business.
I went to the zoo the other day… there was only ONE animal in the entire zoo. At first I thought it was a tree, but then I realized that it was a dog… see, there’s a difference in the bark. Anyhow, it turned out to be a shih- tzu.
Hey, do you know what you call a dog with no legs? Well, you don’t call him anything… he won’t come anyhow. Although, I did know a guy who named his dog- with- no- legs, “Cigarette…” because he was always taking him for a drag.
But, what do you call a CAT with no legs? Dog food. How about a fly with no wings? A walk. A cow with no legs? Ground beef.
I’m sorry, but this isn’t over yet….there’s another one. Not a “no- legs” joke, though… this one is much worse. It’s about the constipated mathematician. Not to worry: He worked the problem out with a pencil.
A Number 2 pencil, of course.