Dewey beats Truman! Hillary gets EVERY single vote! Trump will be impeached because he picked a daisy and gave it to a child! What’s the political news? It’s the morning after, but there’s no pill to make this all go away… yesterday was only the semi- finals, so we still have to endure more campaign ads, smearing, lying, mud- slinging, empty promises, and misdirection. But come on… how can we tell when politicians are lying? When their lips are moving!
I invented that joke, and copyrighted it in 1952. I also invented the Internet.
But, at least the roads are clear of rocks and ice. Wait, what… something missing? Was fog not in that nearly comprehensive list of possible road hazards? Good eye! Fog was NOT on the list of things that were not there today, but that still does not NOT depend on the definition of the word, “is.” (See how those campaigns ads are turning otherwise comprehensible speech into, “politician” linguisticositiness?!?).
I want to say one thing to the American people. I want you to listen to me. I’m going to say this again… there is fog out there! Now, it’s light fog, and won’t really slow you down a lot, but, indeed, there is some hazy vapor to consider. It’s low- down (but not dirty, like many politicians!), from about Upper Waterman Canyon Road’s exit, down another 500 feet of so in elevation, maybe a mile or so of highway travel… sort of a thin inversion layer thing.
Read my lips: Other than that little bit of fog, there are no other new hazards!
Uggh… this stuff IS getting to me. I’d planned to produce a better column for you today, but the Russians hacked my unsecured server, and deleted 30,000 emails’ worth of notes! They wiped it clean, and colluded with Bernie Sanders, who is STILL bent out of shape about not winning… and what kind of loser would still hold a grudge about losing, years after being a… loser? They stole the direction from me! It’s not my fault!