This report brought to you by Prime Properties, The Real Estate Place
Friday has fallen… finally. Freedom will reign just a few hours from now.
The drive is serendipitous. Well, as serendipitous as it’ll ever be… there’s just nothing unexpected or unusual to report.
Today is National Eat Your Jell-O day. I know one dude who is probably going to have Jell-O today: Bill Cosby. I wonder if he has a prison nickname… if I were his cell mate, I’d call him “Puddin.” Incidentally, ol’ Mr. Sleepydrinks turns 82 today… on National Eat Your Jell-O day. Coincidence? I think not!
It is also National Simplicity day. The idea is to embrace simplicity today, particularly with Henry David Thoreau as an example. He lived, “On Walden Pond,” where he was a hard drinker, along with the Fonda family. Ernest Hemingway and Audrey “Katherine” Hepburn were involved, too, somehow. I think there was fly fishing involved, and while fly fishing is NOT simple, it still represents the simple life. I guess that’s how they make the connection. Whatever… today is all about the KISS method: Keep It Simple, Stupid!
So, geez… resort fees. Finally… the attorney general for Washington D.C. has filed suit against Marriott for this unfair, but so far legal, rip-off. See, hotels can advertise any price they like… and offering low prices might entice people to make reservations there, instead of at a comparable hotel with higher prices. Only the “resort fee” is never mentioned ahead of time… it’s something that they spring on you while checking in… and they can make it any number they feel like! In fact, their ACTUAL price might end up being higher than the hotel that advertised a higher price up front! The resort fee is simply a way for a hotel to LEGALLY charge an extra amount (of their choosing!), without you, the customer, being aware of this ahead of time.
What if you went to the grocery store, and then after the clerk rang up all of your groceries, told you that they now were going to add the “convenience fee” of $75? Or, if you finished your restaurant meal, and in addition to the individual menu item prices, there was a “cooking fee” of $20 added to the bill… or maybe a $35 charge for “table and dish services”?
Anyhow, the AG is suing to force hotels to include this fee in their advertised prices… which is fair enough. Hell, it’s ONLY fair… it should have always been this way, because…. it’s the price you have to pay! When a hotel advertises $100 per night, but what you have to PAY is $140 per night, well, that’s wrong. It’s theft. It’s a rip off, and it was cleverly designed by hoteliers to TRICK YOU. I, for one, will not do business with any hotel that uses this tactic. Why would anybody want to do business with ANYBODY who has clearly made a calculated effort to deceive them and take more money than was agreed upon? If they are doing this, what other deceits are they attempting? Do they REALLY wash the sheets after each guest visit? Do they REALLY sanitize the bathroom? Will they REALLY protect my credit card info… and not add more charges later on?
I’m glad the AG is suing… maybe he can make some changes. But we as consumers have a duty to stand up to being ripped off, and let businesses that do this, know that they’ll get LESS business if they want to play the rip-off game. I encourage you to pass these places up in favor of hotels that do business HONESTLY. I know, it’s impossible to know every time, but if and when you do happen to know ahead of time, please… move on to another hotel that is NOT in the practice of deception and theft.
So, soon it’ll make headline news if somebody actually returns from the Dominican Republic having survived. If you are not a baseball player getting shot, or a tourist getting poisoned, it turns out that now “bargain priced” cosmetic surgery in the DR may not be such a great idea. Sure… I guess it SEEMS like a really good idea to go ultra-low-end when selecting the person who will cut you open while you are under anesthesia, but, I guess this time it didn’t work out for one “medical tourist.” Geez. WAIT: this just in… apparently, THREE Americans have died there in the past month while getting cheapo plastic surgery. Dang. Okay… fool me once, shame on you. Fool me a whole bunch of times, well, it’s time to stop doing some things.
Okay, you may have gotten comfortable with regular reporting in this column about Taco Bell news, whether it’s employee-on-customer violence (or customer-on-customer violence, or customer-on-employee violence, or employee-on-employee violence, or employee-on-mop-bucket-violence, or…), or Taco Bell employees licking stacks of taco shells, or taking baths in the Taco Bell kitchen, or whatever. Well, in my tireless effort to maintain the comfort levels of you, my loyal readers, I’m happy to bring you another serving today: a customer in New York claims to have found a doorknob in her nachos from Taco Bell. In order to verify to you that this was not a typo, I’ll say it again: a customer in New York claims to have found a doorknob in her nachos from Taco Bell. A freakin’ DOORKNOB. No, not one of the employees… I mean, the piece of hardware that opens doors. I mean, sure… this happens all the time at home… who DOESN’T accidentally leave a doorknob in the pan a couple of times a week? But at Taco Bell? Ay caramba!
Meanwhile… a Georgia woman ordered a custom birthday cake, requesting Moana, the Disney princess, as the theme. What arrived was a birthday cake emblazoned, not with princessy things, but with pot leaves as the decorative theme. You know… marijuana. Moana… marijuana. Riiiiiiight. Hey, Georgia IS the deep south, and maybe the drawls even affect what the cake-maker draws.
And, in Texas last weekend, a pair of terrified hikers called 9-1-1 because they were being stalked by a very, very, VERY scary wild pig. Now, sure… wild boars can indeed be aggressive and dangerous. I’ll give ‘em that much. Well, this pair of outdoor Einsteins climbed a tree in the hopes of escaping the deadly pig… they didn’t want to end up in hog heaven. Rescue officials had a sort of difficult time locating the trepidatious tree tremblers, because it was 11:30 PM, and dark. But, they were found. Only, officers were unable to locate any bloodthirsty pigs in the area. What they DID find was a major highway near the tree, one equipped with rumble strips… and every single time that a car drove past at 75 MPH or so, the rumble sound made the two terrified tree-dwellers believe it was the blood-curdling death call of a big pig. Eventually, the officers were able to talk the pair down, and in an effort to make them feel better, told them that this sort of mistake happens all the time. Please… please do not let this be true… I simply must be able to believe that there are not more than just a tiny handful of people on the planet that cannot discern between murderous pig attacks… and cars driving by on the highway.
Enjoy your serendipitous weekend, but keep an eye our for doorknobs, killer piggies, resort fees, drinks mixed for you by inmate #226843/America’s Dad/Puddin’, or anything to do with the Dominican Republic. Steer clear of those, and we’ll see y’all on Monday!