Kdog’s Daily Report, 05/21/19

Good morning… it’s time to cross off another Tuesday from the calendar.

We’ve got fog again… it seems to be of the very strictly moderate variety, as I was unable to find anything that would qualify as heavy. It all seems to hover at 3,000 feet and above. There’s a little bit of rain/heavy mist that might demand a swipe or two of the wipers, but it’s not cold enough for snow or ice, at least not in the Crestline area.

I did not see rocks on the road this morning, but holy freakin’ smokes, didja see the size of the ones that landed on Highway 18 yesterday?!? Among the smaller rocks were two big’ns, each about the size of a VW bug! This happened in The Narrows… my first thought was that they’d need to detonate explosives in order to reduce the giant boulders to manageable sizes, but, apparently the modern CalTrans has equipment that is able to just shove those things aside. They totally should have let me use the dozers or skiploaders or whatever they used to move those rocks… I would have pushed them over the edge of the road, on the downhill size, just to see them roll down the hill. Man… that would be so cool. They probably wouldn’t even stop until about 5th Street or so. Oh, wait… it might be dangerous. Hmmmm… now that I think about it, that might be why they don’t let me operate heavy equipment.

Okay, on the radio this morning, weather prognosticators said these words: “There’s a chance of snow tonight at elevations above 6,000 feet.” That’s what they said, folks… take it or leave it. I’m only the sort-of plagiaristic messenger.

I’ve been pondering, and one particular line of thought seems most prolific during the drive up and down Highway 18 between Crestline and San Bernardino. See, apparently a LOT of people don’t understand that slower traffic should stay in the right lane… not the left. My thought is that CalTrans should actually put up signs to explain that to people. Or, even, they should make it a law that you can’t impede traffic by driving slowly in the left lane. Or wait, even better: they should make people take some training, maybe even require some testing, before people are allowed to drive a car… maybe only those with some sort of document proving that they have been properly trained would be allowed to drive. Man… they should do that stuff. It sure would make for easier traffic on the mountain, especially.

I wonder what my Microsoft file looks like… it’s got to be HUGE by now! Every time I have some sort of glitch or problem with my computer, there’s a message that comes across my screen, advising to me wait while the problem is reported to Microsoft.

Surely there is a big room of agents standing by, awaiting the call of duty. When alerted to my situation, some spew coffee, or even cough out a piece of donut, as they leap into action. There are flashing red alerts on their screens and audible alarms. The big giant screen at the front of the room surely lists the issue, along with my address and vital information. The team has been waiting for this: it’s time for action!

The Microsoft agents have been trained for this… they KNOW how to work under the pressure of an urgent crisis, even with flashing lights and that ear-piercing Klaxon. They communicate with each other not just by computer and voice, but with visual cues, learned from years and years on the job. The team works like a single entity, as they share the goal of fixing this problem.

The Microsoft Team jumps into action: keyboards are played like a thousand fiddles by the brainy agents, while the street-smart ones don their tactical gear and are dispatched… surely they drive Crown Vics and Suburbans, and I can imagine no other color than black. The convoy lights out of HQ, each vehicle chirping the tires with a little puff of smoke, which is then illuminated by the blue and red lights of the next car to launch. The team is on its way to fix this problem.

Or, maybe the message on my screen ten times every day means absolutely nothing to anybody, ever, at all. Wait: now that I think about it, the second scenario seems a lot more likely.

Today in National Memo day. I know… that’s pretty random. No, wait… it’s completely NOT random, as “memo” is “memorandum” with the “randum” taken out. Whatever… hey, I really thought I could go somewhere with the wordplay on this one, but now that I wrote it out, it just seems sort of lame. Now I’m thinking that what I really need to do is take the “dum” out of it now.

So, I’ve finally become a fan of the “Green New Deal.” No, not the one from Alexandria “I Think, Like, Maybe My Garbage Disposal is, Like, a Portal to Hell” Ocasio-Cortez. I’m talking about the one in which Iran recently launched some missiles into the “Green Zone” in Iraq. President Trump has now made a deal with Iran, in which if they try violating Green Zone rules again, he’ll squash them like a bug. The Green New Deal.

Don’t forget, this upcoming weekend is going to be three days long… how’s THAT for light at the end of the tunnel?!? Just don’t forget that there is one group who will never have a three-day weekend again: those who gave their lives to make sure that the REST of us get to BBQ hot dogs and drink beer without the fear of falling under enemy forces. I know, maybe it seems like sort of a downer to be reminded of what the day is for, but come on: we get the day off of work… the least we can do is spend some time remembering those who gave all. Few things deserve greater respect or remembrance.